Baggy is fighting her depression by planning for once.

Baggy had that Monday feeling again, so action was required! Firstly, after much phoning and rearranging of appointments, Baggy sorted her letter for the solicitor withdrawing from purchasing the land at their other house. She then took Furry Mama and Minty Mutt off to post it. It was hot, so they did the "wetlands" walk so that Mint could throw himself into the muddy stream.

It's such a beautiful day, but Hormonal Hannah had Baggy close to tears as she walked. As this wasn't great, Clever Bird decided to distract her by getting her to think about her future. This is not something that Baggy does, or has ever really done. Usually she just lives from day-to-day, or if she's feeling positive, maybe a week or so ahead. The future is, well, just that, the future, not something that requires much thought. So when she does decide to think about it, it has a habit of putting her into a panic. Take marrying Calum for example, as that required a few months of planning ahead, it freaked her out rather a lot. But when she worked, her whole life was planning ahead - in fact Clever Bird is seriously good at forward planning and project management. Just not for herself. But in her new frame of mind, she started. Using her brain cheered her up instantly.

By the time they got home, it really was incredibly warm and as Minty Mutt was covered in pongy stream mud, Furry Mama decided to give him a shampoo in his paddling pool. He's now rather fluffy. But at least he smells nice. As he dried off she then gave him a brush and groomed a small cat out of him.

Clever Bird decided to get Baggy out of the heat and to write a few notes, to try to clarify her planning. Pros and cons written down, she had a light-bulb moment. Previous decisions have now been turned on their head. She phoned Calum to see what he thought. There's one thing about driving around the country in an HGV on your own all day, you have an awful lot of time to think. Unlike Baggy, Calum thinks about the future a lot. It would seem that (not for the first time), he was one step ahead of Baggy. It looks as though a lot of things might be changing for the Baggy household in the future........

A Suffolk Sunday.

Today didn't go according to plan. Overslept. Decided it was too late and too hot to go to the horse show they'd planned on watching. Sat about for a bit. Had a Sunday fry-up. Then Clever Bird decided that they shouldn't waste the day and asked Calum what he fancied doing. So they headed off in Billy-Bob to the lovely Lavenham to investigate house colours! In spite of its initially "modern" appearance, their other house is actually fundamentally a seventeenth century cottage and as it needs re-painting, Creative Clara is wondering about a change. It used to be a Suffolk pink, but then Baggy's Dad painted it a creamy colour.

So Clara took her camera for a bit of inspiration.

It's colourful in little old Suffolk. Clara is quite liking the idea of mustardy yellow, with bluey-green architraves and white window frames. Cream and white seems a little too ordinary somehow.

As it was Sunday and no food shopping had been done, they decided to treat themselves to a Sunday roast at a lovely pub. Minty Mutt enjoyed the pork crackling no end. Probably not as much as Baggy enjoyed the (forbidden) chocolate and honeycomb dessert though. Hmmmm!

On the way home Calum and Grotty Groom decided that they needed cuddles, having once more lost a weekend without riding the horses. Wesley and Joey were contentedly munching hay when they arrived but seemed pleased to see them, especially when they got the grooming kits out. There's nothing like a good old scratch to keep a horse happy.........

Decisions, decisions......

Baggy and Calum took Gloria Gardener over to their other house today. Clever Bird was worried that the place looks so neglected. Despite the contract for the tenants clearly stating that they have to maintain the garden the last one didn't touch it. There is a little border all along the front of the cottage and it is so overgrown that it's crawling up in front of the windows. Well, it was. No more. Three hours of cutting, pruning, weeding and digging later, the border looks rather neater. Sadly although Calum and Gloria did a sterling job, Creative Clara not only forgot to take before pictures, she also forgot to take after ones. So you'll just have to take her word for it, that they worked very hard.

While they were there, four different locals, two of whom neighbour the cottage, tried to persuade Calum and Baggy to move in - because "the house deserves to be loved again". Hmmmm! But for the first time Baggy actually managed to be at the house without crying, so that's a step in the right direction. The poor place is so neglected though. All the carpets need replacing. The very large dog who's been living there has wee'd on most of them and contrary to the estate agent's view that they were okay because they've been professionally cleaned, they really are not okay. The whole house needs painting inside and out, but there's not much point in doing that until the three roofs have been totally taken off and re-laid. The garden is a jungle - but as it doesn't legally belong to the house it can stay that way until the situation is resolved - or not. The damp is terrible! Hopefully the roof being fixed will sort it, but that too remains to be seen. Just having all the windows open today for a few hours seemed to help - but the smell! The smell has been there for as long as Baggy's Dad lived there and Baggy always thought it was the smell of stale tobacco smoke, as her Dad was a pipe smoker. And, no, it wasn't one of the lovely fragrant tobaccos, it was a really pongy one! But her Dad died over four years ago, so there's no way that was the smell. The smell was, and is, the damp! It wafted out of the windows as Gloria and Calum worked. But damp or not, it still reminded Baggy of her Dad's tobacco, but this time, instead of that making her cry, she found it rather comforting.

Having made a tiny start on getting the cottage looking a little more loved, Baggy and Calum felt a lot better about it. They now feel that they can probably do quite a lot of the sorting out themselves - time permitting. Then they need to figure out what to do with it once it's sorted. Every time that Baggy thinks she's made a decision...........

Time for a reality check - is Baggy recovered yet?

Okay bloggees, as this is supposed to be an honest account of Baggy's road to recovery, let's get Creative Clara to say it like it is. It is now ten months since Baggy's Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst surgery and nine months since the surgery on her right arm. More than enough time for Baggy to be 100% back to normal right? Wrong. Obviously the first lot of surgery was "major". The second lot - not so much - however Clever Bird forgot two things when she wanted Baggy to have both surgeries so close together. Firstly, it took her six months to recover from the same cubital tunnel surgery on her left arm (a year previously), and that wasn't a full recovery, just enough for her to be able to ride and do the horses again. But Grotty Groom went back too soon and gave Baggy pneumonia! So bearing in mind that Baggy is right-handed, it is hardly surprising that her right arm is still not totally back to normal (if it ever will be). Secondly, the body can only cope with so much trauma and will focus on the "worst" thing first. So the arm surgery detracted from Baggy's body sorting out her major stomach surgery. Additionally, it also meant that Baggy had three lots of general anaesthetic in under twelve months! A lot to take for any body, let alone an old one like Baggy's. Then of course, just three weeks after her arm surgery (in Christmas week), Baggy's stepmother died and Baggy's demons were released and she started to unravel. But the total tipping point for Baggy was Grotty Groom not being able to see her horses, because Baggy just couldn't cope with the people she had to deal with there. As her horse Wesley, literally keeps Baggy sane, this was the last straw. Hormonal Hannah began to dominate the gang totally and Clever Bird realised two things: the menopause was affecting Baggy dramatically (having had everything including both ovaries whipped out with Lawrence), and Baggy had slipped into depression.

So Baggy has taken action. She's now on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Truthfully, Clever Bird is unsure whether this has helped much, other than to have reduced the frequency and intensity of Hormonal Hannah's hot flushes. She has attended the Stress Management course, which just confirmed that she did know how to deal with stuff, as long as she remembered to do it before it overwhelms her. She is having counselling, that awful though it is, certainly seems to be helping. And she has looked after the horses again - admittedly only once, but still, it's a start. This week Baggy is going back to see the Doctor, because Clever Bird has finally admitted that perhaps Baggy's counsellor and Doctor are right and she should think about going on anti-depressants.

But the fact is that Baggy's overwhelming feeling at the moment is one of guilt. Guilt that Grotty isn't back at work being uppermost. Guilt therefore, that it is costing a small fortune to have the horses looked after. Guilt, guilt, guilt. However, as Calum pointed out, he watches Baggy doing things on a day-to-day basis and he can see that she is not back to normal. (Whatever normal is for Baggy!) Even Clever Bird is well aware that Baggy frequently grabs her stomach when she is lifting, or twists suddenly, because it hurts. She knows that Baggy cannot lift things that she lifted easily before. She also knows that she cannot even stand up or sit down onto the sofa as easily as she used to - thanks to no real stomach strength any more, because her abs were cut through. But even Clever Bird got a shock just now, when she watched The Domestic Goddess struggling to open a can of salmon; trying to twist the stiff can opener had Baggy's elbow burning. So Clever Bird is trying to get Freda Fretter and Hormonal Hannah to back off a bit and has come up with a better plan. Instead of the all-or-nothing approach that Grotty has, Clever Bird is going to get her to build her work up. So starting next week, Grotty will look after the horses for two days, but even then she won't do everything. She'll have them turned out in the morning, then head up later in the day to muck out etc before bringing them in. Just one trip to the yard instead of two a day (saving an hour) and just two walks to the paddocks a day, instead of four, saving another thirty minutes. Instead of focussing on how much extra the horses are costing, she'll focus on the amount that she's beginning to "save". Little steps!

Meanwhile, The Goddess is helping out Furry Mama. Is it possible bloggees that Minty Mutt has too many toys?

 

And of course "F" is for Fat Club, well yes, and Friday, and today was the day. The good news is that in spite of Baggy having a fairly stressful week (understatement), she was determined not to make herself feel even more miserable by comfort-eating and piling on more weight! She succeeded! She has lost the three pounds that she put on last week..........

Thursday - Positive Day Part 2!

Grotty Groom had another good lesson today, albeit that she was on a very different Wesley to the one that she's been on for the last few lessons. She nearly finished Baggy off, because she really had to ride him. Any excuse to look at everything going on around him; to stretch his head down to snatch the reins from Grotty, by touching his nose on the floor; doing a grand impersonation of a sports car - you get the picture bloggees. He was the Wesley who is "not a novice ride". After Baggy's week so far, she was making Grotty a bit nervous too, so it wasn't the best combination. Vicki-May decided to make them both really work. 

And work they did! As per usual, teaching and videoing didn't really work together, so these are definitely not the best bits, but still, Grotty was happy, if somewhat exhausted!

It was very hot and very bright, so unfortunately Wesley started to head-shake a little and Baggy couldn't actually swallow, her throat was so dry, but Grotty adores that hoss!

He is the best therapy ever. Oh and by the way bloggees, I'm flattered by Vicki-May's comment on one of the videos that Baggy is the love-child of one of the best dressage riders in the world, (sorry Carl), but actually she's older than he is. Ah well, she doesn't feel that old today. But Baggy probably will tomorrow when she can't move for achy bits. Yee-hah.........

Fleas wearing gas masks - well they must be!

Baggy sat on the sofa drinking her morning cup of tea; a flea hopped on her hand. Noooooooooooo! Apparently the fleas in Baggy's house are equipped with miniature gas masks. The Domestic Goddess whipped into action. Vacuumed. Upended cushions. Turned lots of things out onto the patio.

As she put Mini-Minty-Mutt on the anvil-thingy, a flea hopped off him!! They all got sprayed. The Goddess then sprayed every rug, every sofa and chair cushion and anything else she could think of. Then she set off another Flea-Bomb and left with Furry Mama to take Minty Mutt out for a walk. When they got back there was still over an hour before they could go back in the sitting room. The Goddess decided to wash the throws that had been on the sofa and chair. Then she decided to wash Minty Mutt's bed. Clever Bird decided to throw his toys out too and get The Goddess to vacuum under his bed and where the toys were.

He wasn't amused and started taking them all to the other end of the garden. Then he decided he'd better rescue his bed - Baggy's expensive cushions in one of his covers. He wasn't amused about that either. He took it up the garden while Baggy wasn't looking.

Yes, well done Clever Mutt! Furry Mama attempted to scoop up the feathers. Failed! Minty returned to "rescuing" his toys.

The Goddess grabbed enough of them to fill the machine. Still ages before Baggy could go in, Creative Clara decided to finish painting Baggy's woman-cave. She has replaced the lemon yellow windows and doors with "Country Cream" ones.

Minty Mutt and The Hinge kept her company while she did it.

Once back in the house, Baggy started to itch. Fleas, fleas, fleas - ghastly little critters. Clever Bird has no idea whether they've gone or not, but Baggy just itches at the thought of them. Any of you itching yet bloggees?

Baggy is about to take Grotty Groom over to the yard for a riding lesson. Yee-hah! Baggy is feeling much better after yesterday's meltdown. The situation with Baggy's Dad's house and the land, is what it is - she must stop calling it that - the situation with Baggy and Calum's other house, is what it is. It's not the end of the world. They are very lucky to have it and now have big plans for it, so Baggy is excited again. Positive thinking, exercise, plus furries (especially her No. 1 furry, Calum) and horse therapy will get Baggy through the black mood she woke up in again this morning........

Baggy's tether just snapped!

Today has not been a good one for Baggy. First of all she went to the dentist to see the hygienist. No biggy. Trouble is Clever Bird had no idea that you cannot be treated if you have a cold sore, and Baggy is clearly run down at the moment, because she has one, for the first time in a few years. So she got sent home. So that was a total waste of a morning. Furry Mama wanted to walk Minty Mutt, so Clever Bird decided that The Domestic Goddess had better "Flea Bomb" the house while they were out. It's taken her a while to admit that the house must have fleas, even though the furries don't seem to have, because Baggy is getting eaten alive every night. She'd already done upstairs, thinking that it was the Bracket kat's fault for sleeping in Baggy's bed, but last night she got even more bitten. Clever Bird decided they must be downstairs instead/as well. Furry Mama chucked the cats out, set the bomb off and headed off with Minty. They walked for an hour in the horrible humid heat.

 

Hormonal Hannah just brought Baggy more down, the further she walked. Sometimes, spending so much time with no one except the four-legged furries, is not very helpful to one's state of mind. Minty knew something was amiss, he kept stopping to wait for Furry Mama, which he doesn't usually do, but it didn't stop him enjoying his usual paddle.

 



By the time Baggy got home, instead of feeling uplifted, she was hot and bothered and her back was killing her, so she decided to put Minty in his paddling pool and watch him from her woman cave a.k.a. the summer house.

When they went into the house, Minty started to sneeze, so Clever Bird read the blurb on the Flea Bomb bottle. Apparently they shouldn't enter the house for another hour. Oooooops. Back to the garden. An hour later, Baggy went and got the post and went into a total meltdown. One month after last speaking to her solicitor a letter had finally arrived. "Oh great", thought Baggy, "maybe it's finally all sorted and Baggy now owns the land that is/was a tiny part of her Dad's garden. Nope! "Letter received from xxxxxx solicitors"....."land registry clearly indicates that there is still an unregistered area basically forming the bank at the rear of the property"..........."written to xxxx solicitors to ask for their comments". WTF? That would be the piece of land that you told Baggy over four years ago was unregistered; that Baggy has subsequently asked you at least four times to register in her name; the bit of land that (the enemy) thinks they own and is trying to sell to Baggy; the bit of land that Baggy agreed to "buy" with the bit he really does own, so that there wasn't an argument; the bit of land that no one can clearly identify even when standing on it. Baggy swore; screamed; burst into panicky tears and phoned Calum to tell him. Calum totally lost his temper. Baggy got even more upset. Hormonal Hannah lost her temper and phoned the solicitor who is on holiday for another week! (Incidentally the enemy solicitor's letter is dated 24th August). Hannah insisted on speaking to another solicitor at the practise - she's not proud of herself, but she swore at him. He was actually quite helpful. Long story short, he pretty much said, "Why spend thousands of pounds on land that has nothing except sentimental value?" Especially as a substantial part of the garden would still not be owned by Baggy. Good question. It adds zero value to the house (surprisingly) and being a virtually vertical bank is very difficult to maintain. Baggy spoke to Calum again. She should have calmed down first. Calum lost it, because he's so fed of being mucked about by the "enemy" and the solicitor. "........ would (Baggy) be prepared to meet (the enemy) on site?" Guess what bloggees - NO SHE FLAMING WOULDN'T!

Inner Grrrrrr! and probably sanity found, once both Baggy and Calum had calmed down, they decided that the "enemy" can take a running jump; they are withdrawing their agreement to buy the land - he can keep it. The house can manage with the little patio garden that it has. It's a lovely little suntrap that just needs a nice fence put round it at some point. If the enemy wants to go to the considerable expense of moving all the thirty-year old boundary fences that's up to him - if he can actually figure out where the land he thinks he now owns ends, Clever Bird will be very surprised, as so far three surveyors have failed! Baggy just has to stop getting upset over the fact that her Dad has lost his garden; neither he nor her Stepmother will know anything about it, unless they're watching from a cloud. The garden as it stands, is a very time-consuming nightmare to maintain and Baggy hates gardening, so perhaps it's for the best. Well, at least that's what Clever Bird is going to have to keep on thinking to try to stop Hormonal Hannah and Freda Fretter from totally dominating Baggy once more. And breathe.

Oh yes, great, as Creative Clara typed that last comment and was about to post this blog a flea just hopped on her arm. Seriously not sure how much more Baggy can take today.......