Day 22 - Ending.

Clever Bird decided to look up on t'internet, "How long does the swelling last after a hysterectomy?". How many times do "experts" tell people, "Whatever you do, don't check it out on the internet". Yes, well this is Clever Bird we're talking about! Baggy wishes she hadn't checked, as many of the responses are in months not weeks! But, maybe that's a good thing to know. It does at least mean that Baggy needn't worry that she is still incredibly swollen twenty six days after her operation. That is by all accounts to be expected. But she's rather fed up that it might be months before she can figure out whether the very weird dippy bit in her stomach is a permanent fixture. Step away from the mirror Freda Fretter.

But having checked out a couple of "official" sites, NHS and medical-type ones, but also a few blogs, Baggy has realised that in most ways she's way ahead of the game, recovery-wise! So actually, that's good to know. But it's unlikely that Baggy's insides are quite as ahead of the game as her general well-being would suggest, as it takes the same amount of time generally for bodies to repair. And although a fit old bird, the emphasis does need to be placed on the "old". So, to revert to an earlier blog, Baggy needs to listen to her own body, BUT she also needs to remember everything she has been told about taking it easy and take it easy!

Well that's one advantage of having more surgery on Thursday eh Clever Bird? Baggy won't have a choice but to take it easy once again, for at least a few more weeks. Every cloud has a silver lining. Hold that thought Hormonal Hannah and let Baggy get a proper night's sleep........

Day 22 carrying on - Hmmmmmm!

Lovely four-hour catch up with her friend for Baggy. Grotty Groom rather dominated the conversation interrupted on a regular basis by Hormonal Hannah! She needs to learn to wait her turn. Causing Baggy to cry in public - not cool. After much updating about Baggy's surgery, inevitably when with a fellow horsey person, horsey talk dominated the conversation, especially as both of us have two horses to discuss. Sadly, in the horse world as in any other environment, there are a few rather difficult people and both Baggy and her friend have come up against these types. It made Grotty realise that (for reasons that Clever Bird says that Baggy shouldn't go into in detail), Grotty is not able to fully enjoy being with her horse when she does see him at the moment. The expression "treading on eggshells" comes to mind and between Freda Fretter and Hormonal Hannah the situation is even more difficult on Baggy in her current delicate state.

The conversation made Baggy even more aware of how influential other people can be on a body's well-being, in a positive or negative way. Amazingly positive support from family and Baggy's gorgeous husband. Positive support, as Baggy is receiving from most people, even from people she's never met, just from knowing that they are reading Creative Clara's blog of her life, is amazingly empowering. Positive support from lovely friends like the one Baggy spent hours yacking to today. Positive support from lots of Grotty's fellow liveries, other horse owners and staff at Grotty's yard. Positive support from her Slimming World group. Positive support from family and friends that Baggy might not see often, but "sees" every day on Facebook. In Baggy's case even her furries are helping her positively, all five of them, but especially Wesley, her horse. So much positivity is incredibly uplifting.

But Baggy is a pretty sensitive, very open (as you've gathered) little soul really, even at the best of times. With Freda Fretter and now Hormonal Hannah influencing her, she is feeling even more sensitive than usual. And despite so much good positive energy, a couple of people being difficult and unpleasant has Grotty upset and Baggy crashing down to earth with a bang! But how do you stop that influence having such a huge effect? Especially when Clever Bird is well aware that there are unseen issues having an influence on the other people. How can a relatively tiny piece of unreasonable behaviour and unpleasantness undo so much positivity? Sadly, even Clever Bird doesn't know the answer to this question, but it is so easy to be brought down and that is just a fact.

But dwelling on it is definitely not useful, so as a distraction The Goddess has got embarrassed enough about the amount of dog hair on the rug to drag the vacuum out. Wonders will never cease....

Day 22 - Baggy's beginning to panic over the next lot of surgery.

Wow, Baggy's been home for over three weeks already. No wonder she's feeling a little housebound. But she'll get out today. She's meeting a friend for coffee and a catch-up later this morning. Baggy said she'd walk to the café in the village and meet her there. It's only a ten-minute walk, so easy-peasy. What Clever Bird hadn't factored in was the fact that this is England in the autumn and it's absolutely chucking it down today, while the wind blows the rain sideways. Minty Mutt is refusing to even consider stepping out of the back door to do his morning ablutions, so Furry Mama might have to gently boot him out in a minute or he'll be crossing his paws before she gets back.

Baggy's trying to work out how to leave Hormonal Hannah at home while she goes out. It's all very well having a catch-up, but bursting into floods of tears in a café isn't a great look. The blooming woman kept Baggy awake for two hours in the middle of the night again. It's all well and good welcoming her to the gang, but she's not the easiest person to get on with. Very opinionated! Having woken Baggy up completely by throwing a full-on night flush at her, then getting her in such a state that her heart went into full boom, boomedy, boom, booming mode, she woke Freda Fretter up. Baggy had pretty much forgotten that she has yet more surgery on Thursday. She's been so focussed on other things that it's kind of snook up on her. But last night Freda went on and on about it.

Mind you she did actually make some practical suggestions! Freda pointed out to Clever Bird that remembering the after effects of the same cubital tunnel surgery on Baggy's left arm last year, Baggy will pretty much be totally incapacitated for the first few days. Even with her left arm Baggy couldn't hold a fork so that she could cut her food; she couldn't dress herself; she couldn't put her hair in a pony tail etc etc. Baggy is right-handed, so as Clever Bird has gently explained, it will probably take even longer than a few days before she can do these things this time. Last year Calum had to take a week off work to help Baggy, but this time, with all the Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst surgery, so that Calum can stop us from going to the poor-house and earn us some money, he's taking Baggy down to Kent to stay with her sister. Here Baggy will be well looked after for a few days while Calum goes to work. Furry Mama therefore also needs to sort out a house-sitter to look after the cats in the next two days. The plan is to go down on Saturday if Baggy is not in too much pain and the general anaesthetic has worn off properly. But as Clever Bird pointed out after a chat with Freda, unless Baggy packs her bags before the operation, she'll have to get Calum to do it. Not a great plan........

Day 21 continued........

Baggy got home from taking Hannah and Grotty to the yard, feeling much more positive. She even got back on the Slimming World track so that Grotty will be nice and light when she eventually gets back on Wessles next spring - even if Wessles is going to be overweight himself! The Domestic Goddess rustled up a jolly nice (although Clever Bird says so) chilli con carne and resisted having any wine with it. Good Baggy.

 

 

But there's always something! Calum woke up Furry Mama's furbie (a Christmas present from a couple of years ago) and it has turned into a grumpy old man! It's started burping, farting and snoring; clearly even in it's sleep it has been listening to Baggy's new "let it go" philosophy. It now even farts while it's snoring! Clever Bird was just getting upset with him, Bracket hadn't got a clue what to make of him, so Baggy gave him a cuddle. Within a minute he was Furry Mama's cute sweet singing baby again. Phew! Still burping and letting it go while he snores, but cutely.

 

 

And yes Clever Bird has noticed the state of the rug! She'll get The Goddess onto it tomorrow. Well maybe she will, if she can find her......

 

Day 21 continued - Hormonal Hannah is being a Good Influence on the Gang.

It might not last. In fact if the last few weeks are anything to go by, it almost certainly won't. But for today at least, welcoming Hormonal Hannah to Baggy's gang has had a positive effect. Recognising her as a bit of a negative influence on Baggy (she makes Freda Fretter look like a confident good guy), has meant that Clever Bird can have a chat with her and make her let the rest of the gang get on with stuff. She's stopped Grotty Groom from going to see her beloved horse Wesley and Grotty was feeling really guilty about it, but today, Grotty decided to take Hannah with Baggy to see Wesley and Joey. It was the right thing to do! Everybody came back feeling calmer and more confident and positive. Admittedly Grotty ignored Clever Bird and pushed Baggy a little too far, but Wesley had a lovely groom for over an hour and a half.



 

Wesley needed it as he had had a lovely roll in the mud after a happy day out in the wind, but Grotty got there in time to do the grooming herself. Hormonal Hannah had in the previous few days, knocked Grotty's confidence so much that she had been afraid to visit her horse. Ridiculous, because Wesley is so sensitive that he knows that Baggy has to be treated very gently at the moment. Despite head-butting Calum over the stable door for attention, even when Grotty persuaded Baggy to actually go in and groom him, Wesley was as gentle as a feather with her. He sniffed her, but did not even nudge. Once again he dropped his head to her stomach, but he didn't touch. He blew up Grotty's nose then resumed his hay munching.

 

 

Grotty took a few moments to just "be" with her horse. It's quite a special thing to just sit in the stable with a horse. It's very calming for some reason. Wesley is always happy for Baggy to collapse in a heap in the corner, while he does his thing while keeping an eye on her. He seems to enjoy her company. When Hormonal Hannah chose that quiet time to remind Grotty that this would be the last time she could be with Wesley for some time and had Baggy in tears, Clever Bird took over and reminded them that Wesley was more than happy and that we'd be back with him before Christmas.

 

 

Truthfully, Baggy needed a rest. But Grotty did a good job. Wessles looked pretty cute by the time we left. He's clearly enjoying his holiday anyway. He's piled a few pounds on and is probably the woolliest he's ever been, but he is sooooooooooooooooo shiny. He is clearly feeling very well. Even his sarcoids seem to have got smaller. So Freda Fretter can stop winding Grotty up that he'll be unhappy because it will be at least two weeks before she can see him again, Wesley knows now that Grotty is definitely coming back and he and Joey are fine.

 

 

The gang are extremely fortunate to have Wesley and Joey in their lives. Hormonal Hannah already loves the calming influence that they have on Baggy.................

 

 

 

P.S. Hormonal Hannah's biggest influence while Grotty was doing her thing was making Baggy constantly take layers off and put layers back on again. But as Clever Bird said, at least she was wearing layers so this was possible! 







 

Day 21 - There is a New Member of the Gang! Please Welcome Her.

The support Baggy received yesterday from friends was overwhelming once again. Freda Fretter in particular would like to thank you all for your comments. Clever Bird was thinking that the menopause hadn't particularly affected Baggy anymore than before her surgery. Once again Clever Bird was just plain WRONG! The gang had no idea that so many of their friends had had hysterectomies (often at a considerably younger age than Baggy) and had therefore had the menopause hit them like a bolting horse. She did of course realise that many of her friends of a similar age must be coping with it. Truth is that Baggy was kind of just getting on with it. The hot flushes were particularly annoying. Before Baggy suffered them, she could never understand why women would announce to the world, "Oh, sorry I'm having a hot flush". Why would you want everyone to know that you're getting old? She now realises that that was just dumb on more than one level! Firstly, just try to hide them! Totally impossible. Clever Bird now realises that Baggy not only goes an interesting shade of beetroot, but she literally drips sweat. A really bad one has it rolling down her back or off her forehead as if she's just done an hour's serious aerobic work at the gym (no she can't remember the last time that happened). Even if it's freezing, for the few seconds or minutes that it lasts, she just wants to strip all her clothes off. Secondly, it does not necessarily mean that you're getting old. Have a hysterectomy equals immediate menopause, but also many women have the menopause at a very young age. Truth be told, not very clever Clever Bird, really did not know this. She also did not know that it can go on, not just for a year or so as she thought, but for twenty or more years. Another hidden "illness", and yes, Clever Bird realises that it's not an illness as such, but if it hits you at twenty, or thirty or even forty, when most women expect it in their fifties, what would you call it? Whatever age it gets you at, it's not great! Understatement.

Clever Bird's ignorance about the menopause had her thinking that Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst was just a part of it, along with the hot flushes and the night sweats (that make hot flushes look like a walk in the park). She had decided that she didn't want Baggy to take HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), so why bother finding out about the symptoms? Yes, agreed, not clever. Since the surgery she thought that Baggy's menopause had not got any worse. She's beginning to realise that that is rubbish. It has hit her like a bolting horse! These feelings of vulnerability and almost hopelessness are it. The tears that are constantly just a drip away, are it. The lack of confidence, is it. Even the new aches and pains are probably it. The sudden anger from nowhere is it. The irritability at nothing is it. The feeling of worthlessness is definitely it. Yes, there is a new member of the gang. Please give a very warm welcome to Hormonal Hannah, the latest member of Baggy's gang, introduced to her by a friend. She's been hanging about trying to join Baggy for quite a while, she has pretty much been kicking the door in since Baggy had her surgery, but Baggy hadn't realised. Now Baggy is going to recognise and embrace her and as she was not offered HRT and in any case would rather not take it, she is going to be spending rather a lot of time with her..........
 

Day 20 finished off...........

Thank goodness for Weetabix. It has done Baggy a massive favour this evening. Yes Clever Bird, we know it is too much information, but with respect to honesty in my blog, let's just say that Baggy was returning to being Baggy Blimp. But with an added complication. She hadn't managed to go to the loo for over two days. It says quite clearly in the "recovery notes" booklet from the hospital, that this should be of concern - it could be the sign of internal damage. Well with Lawrence making his position felt today, Freda started worrying.  Perhaps not surprisingly, Baggy was hesitant to go back down the Lactulose route after her previous embarrassments. It's bad enough that the fat cat, Hinge has decided that it's absolutely okay to poo anywhere in the house you fancy if the litter tray does not smell of roses, or catnip or something lovely, without Baggy joining in too.

So Calum suggested Weetabix. It took a while. But they worked. Baggy feels so much better now! Guess what she'll be having for breakfast tomorrow.............

Day 20 continued - The Domestic Goddess has Kicked Baggy up her Butt.

Okay Freda Fretter get over yourself. Baggy is doing really well, but actually after a friend's message to her, following her last blog, she has also realised that she really is grieving for Lawrence and actually Freda and Clever Bird, that's okay. So the tears and the vulnerability are okay too, but let's not focus on them! Lawrence has gone to a better life. He is now a fig-box of Freda's imagination. He is not back in Baggy. Psychic Ploppo can get back in her crystal tent and stop thinking about it all too much. He is long gone to the world where durmoids live happily ever after, so he cannot be hurting Baggy. Understand Freda?

Baggy's hormones are obviously also out of whack after such a major trauma to her body. Thanks for that menopause. But Clever Bird knows (even if you don't Freda), that Baggy is a strong old bird and so are the rest of the gang; yep even you Freda. So we're going to be okay. Even The Domestic Goddess has just demonstrated her ability to be amazing (even if that's only once a year). Baggy likes to eat liver. It's good for her. But she only ever has it in restaurants (so pretty much never) because what it is and looks like, gives her the heebie-jeebies. There's no two ways about it, Baggy should be a vegetarian morally. But frankly she likes meat and she's not so big on veg. so it's never going to work. In fact she tried it once many years ago. After six weeks her hair was brittle, her nails were breaking off, she had spots and her skin was almost flaking. Apparently you can't survive on cream, pasta and cheese, even if you are popping multi-vitamins, but Clara digresses.  

Well heebie-jeebies or not, tonight The Goddess persuaded Baggy to pick up that liver and cook it. Okay Clever Bird, agreed, Baggy could only use the tips of her fingers and couldn't bare to look at it, but she cooked it nonetheless. And it was delicious.

So if The Goddess can overcome her liver phobia, tomorrow Grotty can get over to see her beloved horse and she can get in that stable and give him a bit of a groom............

Day 20 - Something's not Right with Baggy. Is Lawrence Back?

It's really not too easy being a blogger when a lot of the time you can't actually get on the internet. The sooner the powers-that-be get rural communities access to proper Broadband, the better. Clever Bird gets rather upset with the "choose our Broadband" or "swap to us" adverts on the telly. The one and only option Baggy's house has is a "3" dongle and the only place that that will work is hanging in the window in the kitchen. Half the time the signal indicator is amber. It's frequently bright red. But for the last few days, even when it's been green, Baggy can't get her laptop to connect, or even if it is connected, to open anything. It's driving Freda Fretter nuts. As for Creative Clara, well you really don't want to hear her words on the subject. Anyway, if you're reading this the good news is that the connection must have worked at some point today.

And before any of you kind souls suggest it, Clara cannot use Baggy's phone either. She's lucky if she gets a signal on it in the house at all, she certainly never gets one strong enough to get on the internet. Ah well, living in the sticks does have its advantages. One of which is being able to walk straight out of the house on off-road country walks. Furry Mama and Calum have braved the beginning of the day's icy gales and taken Minty Mutt out for a thirty-minute walk.

It's interesting today though. Clever Bird doesn't know why, or if it's "real", or what it's called, but today Lawrence-the durmoid-cyst was making his presence felt. Lawrence may no longer be inside Baggy but he feels as though he is. Baggy is getting the same stabbing pains that she had when he was still on her ovary. Bearing in mind that neither Lawrence or the ovary are there any longer, how is it possible to get the same feelings? Calum suggested that it might be the same as when someone loses a limb and they can still feel an itch on it. Lawrence has after all been growing inside Baggy since before she was born, so Clever Bird supposes that it is possible. She also hopes that that's "all" it is, rather than it being something not healing properly. Freda needs to stop worrying about it either way, as there's not much that can be done about it presumably.

Or perhaps Baggy is missing Lawrence. Clara has joked about this in previous blogs and wished him well, but actually, maybe she really is missing him! Baggy of course also had a total hysterectomy, and many women apparently feel that they have somehow lost their womanhood when this happens. Clever Bird supposes that this is probably much more likely with younger women. They will grieve this loss and can get depressed about it. Clever bird really does wonder if Baggy is somehow grieving Lawrence. Yes, that is ridiculous. But maybe it is not quite as ridiculous as it seems. She is now not only missing her womb, uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes, even more dramatically she is missing a 15cm-diameter durmoid cyst that had skin, fat, teeth, hair and who knows what else, as the Consultant wasn't willing to tell her? Eyes maybe? No really, some of them do. But Lawrence has literally left a large hole in Baggy. Probably why there is a weird  dip in the middle of her wound. So maybe she is missing Lawrence in both senses of the word.

One thing's for sure, Baggy does not "feel herself". at the moment. She still feels that overwhelming vulnerability that she felt a couple of weeks ago. Clever Bird thought at the time that that was just down to being in pain and having restricted movement. But now Baggy feels (almost) physically back to normal, yet she still feels really vulnerable. Everything seems rather overwhelming. Tears are constantly just a drip away. Even really little things that normally Baggy wouldn't think twice about seem like too big a challenge. For instance, The Domestic Goddess had a bit of a panic over following instructions for a "cook-in bag" thingy. Yes, The Goddess is pretty hopeless, but with Clever Bird in tow, not at following instructions. All she had to do was put chicken, onions and mushrooms in the bag, then mix the powder with water and put that in the bag too. Mix it up a bit. Put it in an oven dish. Shove it in the oven. Hardly difficult. But Baggy ended up in tears in a panic and Calum had to help! Why? Why is everything too much? Grotty Groom is really, really missing Wesley. Baggy could easily get Calum to take Grotty to see her horse this afternoon, but Grotty is scared about going over to see him. What exactly is she scared of? She doesn't have to ride him. She doesn't even have to go into his stable with him and it's making her miserable not seeing him, so why?

Baggy does not like feeling like this at all..............

Day 19 continued - Furry Mama wants to Put the World to Rights!

In this very unsettled, scary world that we're living in at the moment, Clever bird wonders why humans (who are after all the same animal, whatever their language, physicality or beliefs) can't live and let live, when different species of animals can? Just look on the internet for an abundance of examples. Furry Mama has always been fascinated by Minty Mutt's respect for other species. As a puppy he was always chasing things when we were out; rabbits, squirrels even deer. He still tries now, but his old achy bones don't let him get far. But the first time he caught something he was only a few months old. He chased a baby squirrel. As they all did, it shot straight up the first tree it came to. But it was so little that it promptly fell off and landed right at Mint's paws. The two stared at each other for a few seconds. The tiny little squirrel and the already quite large German Shepherd puppy, whose nose was longer than the body of the squirrel. Mint dropped his head and licked the full length of the squirrel in one big sloppy swoop. The squirrel looked distinctly surprised then spun round and shot back off up the trunk of the huge Oak tree. This time successfully. Mint watched it go. As an adult he did pretty much the same thing with a baby rabbit. No tree involved. Just a warren. Lots of licking.

When Calum decided, five years ago, that Baggy's wedding present would be two rescue kittens, even though at age four-and-a-half Mint had never even seen a cat, Furry Mama knew that this would not be a problem.  The kittens, Hinge and Bracket, were tiny, even though they were thought to be at least twelve weeks old. Bracket was literally skin and bone. You could feel each of her vertebrae. She wasn't even the length of Mint's nose. But when Calum and Baggy went in to their holding pen, Hinge wrapped herself around Baggy's feet purring, as Bracket stuck her little claws in and ran straight up Baggy's leg and into her arms. Hinge had a deformed tail and Bracket looked as though she might not live for more than a day or two. They were the only two left from a litter of eight feral kittens and they'd chosen Baggy as their human. So that was that. All the fit and healthy kittens (of which, sadly there were dozens) were left and Hinge and Bracket came home the next day.

Mint was fascinated by the hissing, spitting little fur balls and wanted to lick them. But after a few scratches on his nose, he decided that he'd better just watch them instead. It took just two days for them to become friends. Now, Minty Mutt guards them as much as he guards Furry Mama. He grooms Hinge on her belly with his teeth. He lets both of them sleep on his bed.

In theory they shouldn't get on, but they love each other. In theory humans should, but so many hate each other.

Not only do the cats and Minty get on, they learn from each other too. Mint now head butts Calum and Baggy's hands to get stroked in the same way that the cats do (to scent mark us, and us them). Bracket has learnt to scratch the window with her paw to get Furry Mama to let her back in, in the same way that Minty scratches the back door. Humans just don't seem to learn.

 

Freda Fretter cannot help worrying about the terrible things that are happening in the world. Clever Bird just cannot begin to comprehend why they are happening. Furry Mama thinks that humans could learn an awful lot from other animals...........

Day 19 - The Gang is Stressed.

Perhaps Baggy is more stressed than she realises. She slept badly last night. At one point she was awake with Freda Fretter bending her ear for two hours. Mind you Bracket decided to soothe Baggy by persuading Furry Mama to let her get properly in to bed with her. Bracket curled up with her back along Baggy's chest and stomach and with her chin on Baggy's stretched out left arm and purred her little head off. Very soothing. Also pretty distracting when you're trying to get to sleep. She then started snoring her little head off which at least made Furry Mama smile. Baggy wasn't smiling quite so hard an hour or so later when some kind of kittie dream, suddenly had Bracket leaping back out from under the covers with a loud mieow; using her little back paws to push off from Baggy's stomach. Right on top of her wound. And breathe.

Baggy persuaded Freda to feel it for any damage. The gang have all been avoiding feeling it. It freaks them out. Even Baggy won't touch it when she's having a shower. It just feels so "odd". But needs must, so Freda inspected it very cautiously. No damage. But very, very rough. Scabs presumably. And still that massive "dent" half way down it. A slightly more firm proddle revealed it to feel very hard underneath. Clever Bird explained to Freda that it wasn't just skin that had been cut through. The "stomach" muscles were also cut and now were trying to knit back together. It's all still very swollen down there. It's why, despite Baggy thinking that she's okay, she needs to remember that there's a reason why she still can't drive or lift or do anything except "low level exercise". Go to sleep Baggy. "No Baggy don't. I really need to talk to you", "Please shut up Freda, I need to sleep. And Furry Mama will you please stop Bracket from leaping on top of Baggy?"

Baggy was still awake when Calum left for work. Next thing Baggy knew her alarm went off. Hmmmmm! Baggy wanted to wear the lovely jumper that she got for her birthday, so decided to put trousers on with it and to take Minty Mutt out. It's such a mild day. There are wasps about. The butterflies who have been hibernating in the house are waking up and trying to go out. Furry Mama wouldn't let them.

Minty had resigned himself to another day of being stuck in the house and had gone back to sleep. "Fancy a........", Furry Mama didn't even manage to say "walk" before the old boy had leapt about a foot in the air like an over-sized puppy and was whining, wagging his tail and spinning round in circles, knocking Baggy over in the process. Clearly Mint is getting as frustrated as Baggy at being housebound.

Going up the garden was a minefield of dog poo. Spotting them amongst the leaves isn't easy. Gloria Gardener needs to get out there and pick them up, as Furry Mama can't, because Baggy is not up to all the bending. Oh okay Clever Bird, Gloria isn't up to it either. Really - what is it with most of the gang being incapacitated at the same time? It's not on! At least Creative Clara is still functioning. Anyway it makes a change not having to poo pick. Between Grotty Groom having to muck out and poo-pick after Wesley and Joey and Furry Mama having to pick up Minty Mutt's poos and clear out Hinge and Bracket's litter tray, you could say that most of Baggy's life is usually full of s**t. But Clara digresses again.

Furry Mama took Minty for a good half-hour walk. Baggy soon regretted putting trousers on though, they rubbed uncomfortably on her wound. Now she's home and in a dress once more. (Tempted as she was to put the onesie on instead). The Goddess has lit the fire (mild or not the house is rather chilly; that's thatches for you), but she feels way less stressed. There's nothing like a country walk to put the world back to rights........

Day 18 continued - Deja vu at Ipswich Hospital. Baggy has a Mini-Meltdown.

Fifty minutes early to the waiting room for a 1.30pm appointment. Baggy was finally called in at 2.10pm, with her heart boomedy, booming again. First thing the same Nurse as we saw on Monday says, is that she still doesn't have the letter to say that Baggy's heart is okay to have surgery next Thursday. She has been chasing the Consultant's secretary to confirm that she'd received it, hence the delay in calling Baggy in, but still nothing. Seriously?!? Clever Bird explained that she had personally spoken to the GP on Monday, as had the Heart Unit of the hospital and requested that the letter confirming that Baggy's 24-hour ECG showed no need for further action, should be faxed to the Consultant that afternoon. Apparently it wasn't. Seriously, how hard can it be? The Nurse said that Baggy would in any case need another ECG today as they don't have one on record. They don't? Clever Bird said that apart from the two instant ECGs that had been done on Baggy in the previous twelve weeks by her GP and the 24-hour ECG from last week, she had also had one done at the hospital four weeks ago! But fine, if she needed another one, so be it (yet more money). More phone calls to the Consultant's secretary. Still no sign of a letter. But the Nurse decided to take Clever Bird's word for it that she'd been told that there was no problem, so she would call Baggy if there was. "Does this mean that my operation is still next Thursday then?" asked Baggy, "Yes, unless you hear differently". "Great, so still not 100% certain", worries Freda Fretter.

Half way back to the car it occurred to Clever Bird that the required ECG had not been done, so she dragged Baggy back to reception. "The Nurse said that I needed an ECG done today, but it hasn't been, did she change her mind?". Five minutes later. "You don't need one as you had one a few weeks ago", well yes Baggy did, as we told her. Ah well, presumably she found it.

Clever Bird was bullied by Freda Fretter in to visiting the Doctors on the way home. She spoke to the receptionist, who spoke to the secretaries office, whose computers "were down" so they could check nothing. Seriously? Are they trying to give Baggy heart failure? Baggy had a mini-meltdown at reception. Apparently this time instead of going very pale she went a beetroot shade of red. She managed not to cry, but it was an effort. What is the matter with her? The receptionist suggested that Baggy speak directly with the secretary. Good plan. Slightly hysterical explanations followed from Baggy. The secretary said that maybe she could pop downstairs to reception and check on their computer. Really? You think? And breathe. "Okay, yes I'll do that and call you (Baggy) later". "Errrr, no", says Clever Bird, "I am getting more stressed by the minute and cannot risk my surgery being cancelled, I'll wait here for you". Ten minutes later a secretary arrived with a print out of the letter supposedly sent to Baggy seven days ago, saying that Baggy had ectopic heartbeats "which was very much what was thought at the outset after your recent surgery". Interesting, considering both the hospital Doctor and the GP said Baggy had heart arrhythmia (maybe it is the same thing), but these "additional heartbeats are of no concern.........There is no need to take further action". Baggy had not received this letter. Clever Bird asked if it had been faxed to the Consultant on Monday as requested by Baggy and by the Heart Unit at the hospital, both of whom were told that it would be. "Well no it wasn't", keep calm Baggy, "Why not?", "Because it says in the notes from the Consultant, patient (Baggy) to confirm whether she is fit for surgery". "Well yes" explained Clever Bird, "because the Consultant was worried that Baggy might feel too poorly after her surgery to remove a durmoid cyst (Lawrence) three weeks ago. If you look at the date, this is five weeks before any mention of a heart problem". And breathe. "As both I and the Heart Unit explained on Monday, no surgery can take place while there is investigation of a heart problem going on, which was why this letter had to be faxed over". Mini-meltdown number two. Cue hot flush. Right Clever Bird, stop Baggy from losing her temper. Boom, boomedy, boom, boom. Another promise that the letter would be faxed this afternoon.

When Baggy got home with her heart boom, boomedy, booming again, Freda Fretter decided to look up ectopic heartbeats on the NHS website, as it sounds as though that was what was on both the instant and the 24-hour ECGs and Baggy has been able to feel it doing it every hour or so since the Lawrence surgery. The NHS site confirms that indeed, they are nothing to worry about UNLESS that is, they are associated with other symptoms, such as dizziness, breathlessness or heart pain, then it is likely to be a heart problem. So the dizziness and serious breathlessness with shaking hands that Baggy has been talking about for three years and been to the Doctors about twice and clearly explained to the Doctor once again last week, doesn't warrant any further investigation then? Is this another occasion when Baggy actually ought to listen to Freda Fretter? Clever Bird thinks so, but rightly or wrongly, she's going to leave it until after next week's cubital tunnel surgery as she's not prepared to put that off for a further four months. If the symptoms have not gone away by Christmas (when the stress of all this surgery will be over), Baggy will go back to the Doctors once more. So stop your fretting Freda. Deep breaths Baggy. Cuddle a cat Furry Mama. Think about happy things Clara.

Time to get those Christmas decorations out...........

Day 18 - Back at Hospital once again

Back at Ipswich hospital once again for pre-operation assessment Take 2. As usual Clever Bird insisted that Calum got us here miles too early, but better early than late. It gives Baggy time for a naughty but nice cappuccino and Panini. At least she resisted the cake.
People watching is fun at the best of times but Creative Clara loves doing it in hospital. All of life is indeed here. It is also very difficult in the cafe to tell who is 100% fit and who isn't. It is easy to assume that everyone is and then you notice the cannula sticking out of the back of the hand lifting the coffee cup. Never judge a book by its cover.....

Day 17 continued.......

This is the Boy Wessles having a little moment. The gorgeous Boy who chose Baggy to be his human ten and a half years ago. There's a reason why Baggy needs to be totally fit before Grotty Groom rides him again. Still she misses him terribly and can't wait until spring when she can ride the little munchkin. So that is what Baggy will be dreaming about tonight to distract Freda Fretter from worrying about tomorrow's hospital appointment!

Night night everybody..........

Day 17 continued - Is it okay to Start Christmas Now?

Another cold autumn day in little old Suffolk. Fire lit. Even Minty Mutt didn't want to venture out, so Creative Clara has pretty much been on her laptop all day. She posted this morning's blog. But she's started another one too: "Baggy Body's Guide to Becoming a Hairy" biker chick, hen or bloke. She has created a totally new blog for it and has so far drafted two blogs. At least that way she'll have something to publish next week when Baggy can't type. Watch this space.

Tomorrow Calum has to be off work once again to take Baggy back to her second home, Ipswich hospital. Attempt two at the pre-operation assessment meeting. Let's hope this one goes without the dramas of Monday's appointment. It's a pity Baggy can't drive yet or she could take herself there.

What is very interesting to Clever Bird is that since the dramas of Monday when Baggy's heart was boom, boomedy, booming so madly that she honestly thought that she might keel over, it has now calmed down dramatically. Of course when it does start going nuts now, Baggy can breathe deeply and get it to calm down again, because Freda Fretter isn't panicking that it might actually stop, and making it even worse. Funny that! Mind you Clever Bird really should contact the Doctors and find out what exactly was wrong with Baggy's ticker, instead of just being an ostrich about the whole thing as she is at the moment.

In the background, Clara has the television on. There seem to be back to back Christmas movies on at the moment, even though it's still only November. Now normally Baggy is a complete humbug about Christmas (the result of a not very happy childhood - but that's another story), but this year she's so grateful that she can celebrate another Christmas that she's really excited about it. So she's on her second soppy Christmas movie of the afternoon. and having to fight Creative Clara to stop her from making Baggy go upstairs to get down the Christmas decorations to put up.

Calum wouldn't mind, he thinks there's no such thing as too much tinsel. And of course Baggy won't be able to put them up after next Thursday. Tempting. It is only one month away. Will she, won't she. Maybe on Monday............

Day 17 (25/11/15) - Baggy needs to "Rein-in" Grotty Groom

It's all well and good Baggy feeling so great. No sorry, Clever Bird, yes of course it's great, Baggy feeling so great. Really great. Yep, just great. But it's so frustrating, feeling so great and not being able to get back to normal. Normal for Baggy being, the most time-consuming of Baggy's gang being able to do her job. Grotty Groom is missing her horses terribly and even though it's obvious to Clever Bird that she can't, Grotty really, really wants to ride the Boy Wessles.

The operation to let Lawrence go to his new life was exactly three weeks ago. According to the little book from the hospital, Baggy could be planning to go back to work in a weeks time, if it's "light duties" and "reduced hours". Well Grotty's duties are far from "light" and it is, what it is, with horses; you're either looking after them or you're not, you can't exactly reduce the workload, especially in the winter. So even if Baggy was allowed to drive, Grotty is not allowed to work. As for riding, well that's not even to be considered for at least another nine weeks. Weird, when Baggy is in so much less pain than when she was riding with Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst leaping up and down on Baggy's ovary. Lawrence, getting highly over excited when Wessles did something daft. Clever Bird is pretty sure that Lawrence is an adrenalin junky.

Calum and Clever Bird can never decide if actually Grotty is an adrenalin junky too. If she wasn't (other than the fact that Wesley is her number one son and she would never ever leave him) why would she still be his human ten years on? Or at least, why would she keep riding him? Even when she's terrified? Wesley is what would be called in a sales advert, "not a novice ride". More accurately it would need to say, "confident, quiet, advanced, empathetic rider required". And yet he looks such an innocent dobbin. Bless him. But Clara digresses.

Clever Bird knows full well that Grotty cannot ride Wesley again until Baggy's stomach muscles are healed and she has built some core strength back up. Then, in another nine to twelve weeks she'll be able to get back on top of a naturally fit, very "fresh" horse that won't have been ridden in over five months and will be eating rich, energy-giving (rocket fuel) spring grass. Hmmmmmmm! That will make for an interesting blog.

But anyway, Baggy has the minor detail of next Thursday's cubital tunnel surgery. Baggy had this same surgery on her left arm last November, so she knows what to expect. And that is a two to three month recovery period before she'll be able to use her arm properly. But as Freda Fretter keeps saying, Baggy is right handed, so this time the recovery might be even longer.

So Baggy needs to stay positive and make the most of the next seven days. She might be stuck at home, but at least Creative Clara can write her blog and try to figure out her Twitter account. After next Thursday that will be more of a challenge for a while, as she will not be able to type or write. Besides she now has viewers in Germany and Iraq to add to her list of countries. So welcome new Baggy bloggees.........

Day 16 continued - Most of the Gang are Back in Action!

The gang is definitely re-grouping. The Minty Mutt needed a walk, so Furry Mama took him out for a good thirty-minute circuit. The Domestic Goddess has done the washing, vacuumed, dusted and had a general tidy up. Creative Clara has gone nuts and opened a Twitter account even though she has absolutely no clue how it works and what the # is even about. Clever Bird can't decide at the moment whether Clara is a genius or an idiot, but Clara got all over-excited when she realised that someone had viewed her Baggy Body's blog from the Ukraine. She even let Lady Eadwynn in on the act (in the guise of a Saxon peasant) by using her photo at West Stow Saxon Village as Baggy's Twitter profile photo. If Twitter gets Baggy's blog even further afield then Clever Bird will have to eat her negativity.

Freda Fretter is so chilled out that she's off having a snooze somewhere. Even Hairy Biker Hen re-covered her motorbike and apologised for thinking of selling it yesterday. Archaeological Annie picked up a rather nice Mesolithic "hand-axe" while Furry Mama was walking Minty Mutt and The Goddess just washed it off.

 

If only Baggy was allowed to drive, Grotty Groom could go and see her Boys, but we can't have everything and Baggy is feeling great. So, a little update on exactly how Baggy is. It's twenty days to the hour, since Baggy came out of her surgery. She no longer needs any painkillers. Her wound still feels rather odd. It's tender and a little sore, but healing very well. There is a very weird "dip" in the middle of it, but that might still be due to swelling; Clever Bird isn't sure. She can walk pretty much normally, just perhaps not as vigorously as she's used to. There is a slight "pulling" sensation as she walks, but that's probably to be expected.

 

Vacuuming made Baggy aware that she's still healing, especially as The Goddess had to lift the vacuum cleaner but really it's just a case of making sure that Clever Bird stays in charge of the gang for now and doesn't let any of them do anything daft. So over all, even Freda Fretter agrees that Baggy Body is pretty much recovered from her surgery. She is certainly in a lot less pain than when Lawrence the 15cm durmoid cyst was still attached to her ovary.

 

Of course, there's that other little nuisance known as the menopause. Having the full hysterectomy including the ovaries removed, means that it causes the menopause to hit instantly. But Baggy is an old bird (she was fifty-six five days ago), so she was already in the menopause. Probably had been for over a year. So Clever Bird wasn't really expecting this to be a problem. well, so far, not only has it not been a problem, but actually the hot-flushes are less frequent and don't last as long as they did before surgery. The night-sweats have reduced dramatically. It's difficult to know how the mood swings have changed, as Clever Bird has pointed out just how stressed Freda has made Baggy, but actually it seems likely that even they have lessened. So as far as the "Lawrence" surgery is concerned Clever Bird reckons that Baggy is 90% recovered..........

Day 16 continued - Furry Mama and The Goddess had a Fight for Baggy's Attention.

Clever Bird was sure that The Domestic Goddess might manage more than just to light the fire today and she still might, but Furry Mama took one look at Minty Mutt's big soppy face and decided to take him out for a wander. Baggy needs the exercise to get her fully fit, so actually Clever Bird approved. It really is good to be getting back to normal - ish! Actually, The Goddess using any excuse not to appear - maybe the gang is more back to normal than Baggy realises.......  

Day 16 - Things are getting back to Normal. The Domestic Goddess has been Spotted.

Baggy slept rather late again. Not surprising after the stresses of yesterday. But today she's feeling very positive, despite the stress-related headache. Calum went off to work at 6.30am for the first time since Baggy's operation, so Freda can be reassured that a little bit of money will be coming back in to the household. So Baggy is home alone! She's just phoned Calum and he seems happy to be back in his lorry. Clever Bird is sure he'll be very relieved to be at least a little bit "back to normal" for a few hours anyway. But three weeks off has made him realise just how many dangerous/idiotic drivers there are on our roads and Freda Fretter has to try not to revert to worrying about his safety! At least Calum will be home tonight, not staying away in his lorry as he usually would, so he'll be checking up on Baggy later.

But Baggy is feeling good. In fact if her wound wasn't still so sore and tender, even she would now think that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her and she was 100% fit. Of course that isn't the case. It's not even three weeks since the operation yet, so Baggy is still not permitted to drive. Clever Bird recognises the wisdom of this, as driving would be too dangerous at the moment. Baggy is still too sore to confidently twist around to look over her shoulder and even with a pillow over her stomach the seatbelt still hurts her. But after all the comments from people before her op. about how weak and awful she would feel after a full hysterectomy (let alone the Lawrence removal) Baggy is delighted with how she feels. It's really not that bad.

In fact there is a rumour circulating that The Domestic Goddess might make a little appearance today. Undoubtedly it will be brief, but I'm sure she can push a vacuum cleaner as well as swinging a duster about a bit. She's already swung by briefly and got the fire going as it's another chilly day. Just need to get Creative Clara away from her blog and Baggy into the shower and dressed first.

Little things......... 

Day 15 continued - Clever Bird's Thoughts on the NHS and the Nutty Referral Systems.

Clever Bird is very aware of how fortunate we Brits are to have the amazing National Health Service. It has got Baggy out of a hole on more than one occasion. It has literally got Grotty Groom out of a Baggy-shaped hole in a ploughed field (with a little bit of help from the amazing Air Ambulance Team), after an unscheduled dismount from the Boy Wessles. It discovered and removed Lawrence from Baggy's person in the space of two months. And all at no cost to Baggy. Clever Bird knows that all of this, plus her heart investigations and next week's cubital tunnel surgery will have amounted to tens of thousands of pounds worth of treatment. So yes, the gang are very very grateful that Baggy has been looked after so brilliantly by the NHS.

Clever Bird is also aware that in these times of austerity, the NHS is seen as a major drain on limited resources. The Government is threatening cut backs and privatisation. The so-called "Junior" Doctors are about to go on strike. So, why, why, why is the referral system so nuts?

With Lawrence-the-Lump, Baggy went to her General Practitioner Doctor (GP). The GP discovered a lump - Lawrence. The GP referred Baggy to an Emergency Gynaecological Assessment Unit (The Peggy Cole Centre at Ipswich hospital) the very next day. They did an ultrasound and confirmed what Baggy already knew, that she had a lump. The Doctor thought it was on her ovary and that it might be ovarian cancer. Baggy therefore needed to be referred to the Gynaecological Oncology Team. This Team is literally next door to The Peggy Cole Centre. But the Doctor who told Baggy this, could not refer Baggy herself. She had to inform Baggy's GP and the GP had to refer Baggy to the Oncology Team.

It occurs to Clever Bird that this is rather daft. A waste of the GP's time. A cost to the NHS that didn't need to happen. Not to mention the extra time delay involved of well over a week, causing unnecessary stress to a person who's just been told that they may have cancer.  What's more, Baggy and the GP already knew there was a lump. All the ultrasound could do was confirm that. Baggy needed an MRI scan. The GP told Baggy this. The "ultrasound" Doctor told Baggy this. Now the Oncology Surgeon told Baggy this. Why not do it in the first place? Another referral. Another wait. Everything seems to go at a snail's pace.

After Lawrence had been sent on to his new life, the Junior Doctor who confirmed Baggy's heart arrhythmia and said that it needed to be investigated urgently and that Baggy would need a 24-hour ECG, could not make that referral herself. At the time Baggy was still on the Oncology Ward at Ipswich hospital. A trip down a corridor to the Cardiology Unit could presumably have had her fitted with an ECG then and there. But no. Instead the need for the 24-hour ECG had to be put in Baggy's discharge notes. Baggy had to make an appointment with a GP (the day after she left hospital and could barely walk!). The Doctor had to apply for a 24-hour ECG. Baggy had to wait ten days to be called back to be fitted with it. And so on. Baggy almost missed her scheduled cubital tunnel surgery because of this, which would have required another referral from the GP, another meeting with the Consultant, another pre-operation assessment appointment. Hundreds of pounds more cost.

Then today, once again because of the lack of results being available from the 24-hour ECG the Orthopaedic Team cancelled Baggy's next operation. The results that were available. The results that were somewhere in Ipswich hospital. Clever Bird walked from one department to another and got some answers, but only by having a meltdown. The departments themselves weren't allowed to talk to each other, or to look up Baggy's notes!

Clever Bird just wonders whether a more joined-up approach couldn't a) save a ton of time and b) save hundreds of thousands of pounds a year. Yes, of course the GP needs to be kept in the loop, but why not just provide them with the details at the end of the process? Really there has to be a simpler way.........

Day 15 (23/11/15) - Back at Ipswich Hospital. Baggy has a Meltdown.

Back at Ipswich hospital once again. It's beginning to feel like Baggy's second home. This time in the Orthopaedic Department for a pre-operation assessment. But at least Baggy is a name not a number. Everyone else in the waiting room seemed to be called by number, but when Freda Fretter asked whether Baggy should have been given one, she was told, "No, you'll be called by name". Must be famous then. Go Baggy.

The appointment was on time.  A small miracle. All the usual questions were fired at Clever Bird. Name, age, allergies, op. date, which arm? etc. Then, "I see you have just had major surgery", "Yes", "And how are you?", "Well, I'm great. But they did discover a heart arrhythmia so I've just had a 24-hour ECG. The results are due today". "Oh. In that case I'm afraid that we can't operate". "No! Why?", "I'm afraid we cannot operate if there's an on-going investigation". "But the results are due today and I've already been referred to the Heart Unit at this hospital, couldn't you check?", "No. It will have to go back to your GP, then once he has the results and/or you are declared okay, he'll have to refer you back to us", "But, that could take weeks", "Well, yes about three to four months". Boom, boomedy, boomedy, boomy, boom, boom. Cue hot flush and total meltdown. Baggy tried very hard not to, but burst into tears. "I'm so sorry to have wasted your time, but........", Clever Bird explained why it was so important for Baggy to try to have just one recovery time from the Lawrence-the-durmoid surgery and the cubital tunnel surgery. The need to rob a bank was mentioned. Freda felt ridiculously guilty. Baggy just felt hopeless. Calum was amazingly supportive. Clever Bird asked whether there was any way that the Nurse could at least check where in the system Baggy's referral was. By now, the very senior Nurse, who had looked like your typical stern Matron, was beginning to feel rather sorry for Baggy who was still in meltdown mode. "Well, no I can't, I'm afraid and under the circumstances I'm sorry but I'll have to cancel your surgery". "Do you think perhaps I could find out if we go to the Cardiology Unit", asked Clever Bird. "Well, there's no harm in trying. Here let me show you the way".

More tears. But Baggy decided positive action was required, so she toddled Clever Bird and Freda (totally out of control) Fretter to the Cardiology Clinic. They kindly checked, but could find no referral letter on the system. Clever Bird, egged on by a now totally hysterical Freda decided to have one last try and went and found the Heart Unit. Freda attempted to explain to the receptionist, while feeling completely breathless and dizzy from the boomedy, boomedy, boom, booming Baggy's heart was doing, as if to make its point! This receptionist also couldn't find a referral but because she could see how stressed Baggy was and the whiter-shade-of-pale that she'd turned, she offered to speak to the appointments secretaries and get back to Clever Bird as soon as she could.

On leaving the hospital Baggy went in to a proper shaky meltdown, viewing another three to four months wait for the cubital tunnel surgery. That would be just as she could have got Grotty Groom back to work and riding Wesley, regardless of whether Baggy's dodgy ticker turned out to be an issue or not. Calum was reassuring and lovely as always, but by now Freda had lost the plot through a combination of worry, guilt and disappointment. Then as Calum drove Baggy home, numbness took over from the tears. As one of Freda's biggest worries is the cost of having the horses looked after whilst Grotty Groom can't do it, Clever Bird suggested that now that it could be over nine months before Hairy Biker Hen could even consider getting back on her bike, perhaps Baggy should sell it. So Calum suggested we pop into the motorbike dealership to see what the options were.

Just as we were discussing the options for selling the bike, Baggy got a phone call. It was the receptionist from the Heart Unit. They had phoned Baggy's GP and had it confirmed that the results of the 24-hour ECG showed that, "No further action was required". Really? That is brilliant. Phew! Boom, boomedy, boomedy, boom, silence, boom, boom, boom. Cue hot flush. Wow! So, presumably, although dodgy, Baggy's heart is not dodgy enough to need treatment. Yay! Well, as Clever Bird pointed out it has been like this for as long as Baggy can remember, just not anywhere near as frequently as it's been lately. Stress. Thanks for nothing Freda!

So, Clever Bird kicked Freda in to action. Phone call to the Orthopaedic Clinic to see if she could rescue Baggy's operation slot. Phone call to the GP to get them to fax the ECG "No action needed" letter to the Consultant. Further phone call back to Baggy to say that she could still have her operation on 3rd December, but she would have to come back in on Thursday afternoon to finish off the assessment that she should have had this morning. No worries, Baggy lives at Ipswich hospital. Well done Clever Bird and Freda. Hairy Biker Hen, don't panic, you can keep your motorbike!

Now, the surgery that Baggy was terrified of having a few months back (to the point that she turned it down, even though she knows what it's like, having had the same operation on her left arm a year ago), she can't wait to have. She'll still be scared, but it makes so much more sense to overlap the two recovery periods and frankly, compared to the surgery she's just had, it's nothing!

Once home, Baggy felt so relieved and so positive, that she decided to let Furry Mama take Minty Mutt out for a walk, without Calum to hold the lead. Things are looking up..........

Day 14 continued...........

There's nothing like a bowl of soup to feed the soul. Home-made butternut squash soup made by Calum with a little assistance from his soux-chef, The Domestic Goddess. Comforting food on a very cold day.

Creative Clara has been so busy today that she's managed to make the gang forget (until now) that tomorrow Baggy has to go and see the Orthopaedic Consultant. She has a pre-operation assessment appointment for her cubital tunnel syndrome surgery on December 3rd. Well that's if he's prepared to risk the general anaesthetic on Baggy again so soon after the last lot, dodgy ticker and all. Shut up Freda.

Time for bed Baggy, it's a very early start.......

Day 14 (22/11/15) - Clever Bird gets Philosophical. Sometimes Looking Really Well is an Illusion.

Another really late sleep. Clever Bird is beginning to realise that maybe Baggy isn't quite as well as she thinks. Whilst still half asleep this morning, the now healing wound on Baggy's stomach was itchy. Baggy automatically scratched it. Sideways. Across the wound. Her nails caught in the gap. Baggy freaked out. Freda Fretter didn't dare to look. No damage done. Painkillers required.

Baggy decided to get some bread out of the freezer. The freezer drawer got stuck. She tried to force it back in. Ouch! It's surprising how much it hurt her stomach. Clever Bird decided that as Baggy's clearly not doing quite so great today and as it's a very chilly, autumnal, Sunday, today should be a "onesie" day. No dressing up. No going out. Snuggle up with the furries in front of the fire. Blog. Watch old films. Relax.

But it got Clever Bird thinking. Yesterday Clara blogged that Baggy making a bit of an effort with her appearance had made her feel better. It's true, it had. What's more, when she took Grotty Groom to the yard to see the Boy Wessles and Joey horse, she looked more as though she was going out for a pub lunch, or she was off shopping, rather than that she was heading for a cuddle with her horses. As the staples are no longer a problem in her stomach, she's also walking normally. In fact as Lawrence is no longer causing her constant pain, apparently Baggy looks really well in herself; better than she's looked in some time. Even the morning after surgery, the Consultant said, "Well, you don't look like someone who had major surgery yesterday afternoon". So yesterday, at the yard, everyone who saw Baggy said, "Wow, you look well" or "You look great" or words to that effect. It's true. Even Calum said that Baggy was looking "very glamorous" and "you'd never know that you'd had surgery". And Baggy does feel good. Far better in fact than when Lawrence was with her. Much less pain. But actually that kind of makes it difficult!

Freda Fretter has started worrying that Baggy is taking the micky. That she should be getting on with things. That people will be thinking that she's "swinging the lead". That Calum will be thinking that it's about time that the elusive Domestic Goddess made an appearance. That people at the yard will be thinking that Grotty Groom should be looking after her own horses again by now. And Furry Mama feels terrible that she's not out taking Minty Mutt for long walks, etc. etc.

It has made Clever Bird think about hidden "illnesses". Just because a person looks okay, doesn't necessarily mean that they are okay. There are so many things that aren't obvious: mental illnesses, diabetes, epilepsy, even the common cold can wipe a person out, but not really show at all on the outside. People need to listen to their own bodies and look after themselves, while trying not to feel undue pressure (imagined or otherwise) from others. Ignore other people's expectations of you, don't listen to Freda Fretter. If you're ill or injured, you're ill or injured, visible or not.

Clever Bird has pointed out that the only person putting pressure on Baggy Body to get on with things is Freda Fretter. Everyone else is telling her not to over do it. But Freda feels like a total fraud! "Guilt", points out Clever Bird. Making Calum have to have time off work to look after Baggy. Costing a fortune because Grotty can't do her job. Baggy just not used to being so inactive. Furry Mama not taking Minty Mutt out in case he pulls her. Guilt. So Clever Bird has just re-read the notes from the hospital. about the recovery process. It has been eighteen days since her operation so by now: "There will be even less pain now as you move about more and more", "You will feel your energy levels returning to normal", "You should feel stronger every day". All good and all true for Baggy. But also "You still should not be driving", "You still should not lift any heavy objects". So how exactly does Freda Fretter think that Grotty can even get to the yard which is ten miles away, let alone muck out?

Plus of course, Baggy is falling apart at the seams! She felt "weird" this morning. The "weird" that she's been telling Calum that she's felt once or twice a week since way before Lawrence was discovered. The shaky, spaced-out, breathless, weak "weird". Well that of course is that other unseen illness. The boom, boomedy, boomy, boom, boom of Baggy's heart. But that too will be sorted out one way or another! So Freda, please stop your fretting. Let Baggy relax and heal.

Creative Clara decided to distract Freda and Clever Bird by doing a bit of blogging. She's decided to "go live" as it were. No more retrospective blogging. So she's published two blogs already today for yesterday and the day before. In the process she noticed that she now not only has people reading her ramblings in the UK, USA, Ireland and Holland, but she now has someone checking her out in Belgium. Welcome to Baggy's world Bloggees and thank you so much for your interest.

Baggy is "live"..........

Day 13 (21/11/15) - Making an Effort has Positive Results.

Once again Baggy slept late. The weather is ghastly. It snowed last night although it didn't settle. Today the wind is violent and it keeps pouring with rain. So once again Clara can't get on the internet to write her blog. Very frustrating! Baggy did have to take a couple of paracetamol this morning though. Her stomach felt very tender. Clever Bird realised that yesterday she probably had two weeks of hangover painkillers inside her and today she's clear of them. But that's okay, Baggy's not in any serious pain.

Clever Bird has also realised that Baggy feels a lot better for making a bit of an effort. Usually, Grotty Groom takes up so much of Baggy's time, that she pretty much lives in grotty jodphurs, tops and mucking-out boots that smell of Wessles, Joey and horse poo (not that Baggy notices). Feeling rather uncomfortable and not being able to stand the feel of anything on the wound means that at the moment it's much easier to wear loose clothes. Now, as Baggy only had a couple of dresses it's easier to flop about in a night shirt and dressing gown (especially when you can't really get out and about). Or it's tempting to stick on a baggy track suit. But yesterday Baggy made a bit of an effort. For her Birthday she wore one of her new dresses and with her newly washed hair she felt pretty good. Baggy very rarely wears any makeup and still didn't, but she still felt pretty glamorous compared with Grotty's normal attire. (Mind you she couldn't have worn any makeup even if she'd wanted to as Clever Bird managed to leave it all behind at her sister's place in Kent when Baggy stayed down there for a wedding three weeks ago). But even with no makeup on Baggy felt quite good about herself and because of that felt a little better.

So today Baggy has put her other new dress on and once again feels comfortable and a little glamorous. Making an effort is clearly good for the soul and if the soul feels good it does seem to be the case that the physical body feels better too. Of course, now the temptation is to go out, but in this weather that would probably be very unwise!

Well, unwise or not Grotty Groom really, really wanted to see Wesley so dragged Calum and Baggy out. Baggy dressed in her new merino wool jumper dress and hold-up stockings, a scarf, sheepskin coat, mittens and boots. When the front door opened, the cold air nearly knocked Baggy off her feet. The temptation to shoot back into the house and curl up in front of the fire and not to venture out ever again, was quite enticing. But Grotty won. The wind was blowing a gale. According to the car the temperature was 1deg.C. and the wind was definitely making it feel much colder. The twenty minute drive to the yard had Baggy "ouching" rather a bit, despite her pillow being in place to protect her from the seatbelt. When she got out at the other end it was like walking into a large fridge. The ten yards or so from the car to the main barn saw Baggy's little exposed legs get so cold that her hold-up stockings didn't. They fell down and gathered over the top of her boots. Embarrassing and freezing. Baggy oiked them back up. Walked a few more yards. They fell back down. Oiked back up. Pink legs. Ah well, it distracted Baggy from her sore stomach.

Calum and Clever Bird dropped some chocolates and thank you cards off to people who've been helping with the horses. Then Grotty went to see Wesley and Joey. Stockings fell back down. Oiked back up. Fell down. Oh who cares? Wessles is spinning round to see his Mum. Baggy looks ridiculous and has freezing legs, but Wesley is whinnying to Grotty, so who cares? Clever Bird still wouldn't let Grotty go into the stable with Wessles, but he had a lovely cuddle with her over the door. Stockings oiked back up. Baggy is cold. Treats given to both Boys. Wesley is slightly more keen to get Grotty's attention today. He was still pretty gentle, but he made his feelings known that he is missing his Mum. Well she's missing him too........     

Day 12 (20/11/15) - Baggy Body and Lawrence the Durmoid are 56 Today.

Calum had to take Baggy's car to the garage at 7.30am this morning (as obviously Baggy is not allowed to drive, even if she could have got up early enough). Baggy fell straight back to sleep as soon as Cal left the bedroom and didn't wake up again until 11.00am. Clearly she over did it a little yesterday. But it's her Birthday; 56 today. Happy Birthday Lawrence, hope you're doing okay. Baggy's doing great without you.

Baggy was able to have her first shower in four days today as she is finally wound-dressing and ECG free. She also washed her hair for the first time since before the operation. Little things.  By the time she was dressed in one of her lovely new dresses, Calum had arrived home. (Car not fixed! Hmmm). He had a carrier bag with the thick hold-up stockings in that Baggy had asked him to get for her. When she got them out to put them on, she noticed a little Pandora box snuggled in between the woolly stockings. A Murano glass bead for her Anniversary present bracelet. Spoilt Baggy. Then she opened cards and a gorgeous present from her sister and nieces. Calum made her a delightful Slimming World lunch (dressed crab and salad). Then a beautiful bouquet of cream flowers arrived from a friend.

 

Creative Clara dived on to Blogger to publish her blog for the day and then checked Face Book. There were already over forty messages wishing Baggy Happy Birthday. She was very, very touched. Emotions are clearly a little all over the place still though, as she burst in to tears when she realised how many people care about her well-being. Note to Clever Bird: sharing stuff is good.

 

Calum lit the fire and Furry Mama and Hinge and Bracket snuggled up in front of it. Minty Mutt retired behind the sofa as it was a little too warm for him. Calum had a bit of a snooze; clearly all this looking after Baggy is catching up with him. So Clara went back to her blog. Then yet more flowers arrived. this time a stunning bouquet of autumn colours from the other liveries at Grotty's yard. More tears.

 



Then a Get Well card arrived, also from the yard signed by all the liveries and Wesley and Joey saying that "they missed their Mum". More tears.

But amazingly, all this positive energy meant that Baggy was feeling so good that she has taken absolutely no painkillers today. She's only been on paracetomol and ibuprofen since she left hospital, but she's really needed them. However Clever Bird has realised that it's very easy to overdo it when your stomach just feels a little bit sore. Baggy keeps lifting things that she shouldn't be, because it doesn't really hurt. So today as Baggy is just a little uncomfortable rather than in pain, she's taken nothing and now is much more aware of how even lifting the kettle, or moving one of the cats, puts quite a strain on her stomach muscles. But it is amazing how well she feels. Even the hot flushes aren't too bad. In fact if Baggy didn't have this other operation looming and possible treatment needed for her heart, she'd be in grave danger of letting Grotty Groom go back to looking after Wessles and Joey, way too soon, because she feels so great.

The only weird thing is Baggy's wound. When she showered it felt so peculiar that she couldn't stand to touch it. It still feels as though the staples are still in it when she touches it, although clearly they aren't. But it feels very rough. The weirdest thing though is the huge indent in Baggy's stomach, half way down the wound. Clever Bird thinks that it must still be swollen, but Freda Fretter can't help wondering if it will now permanently be a weird shape where Lawrence has left a big space. At some point, when Clara can get Baggy back to Tribal Dance class, maybe she'll be able to build the muscle back up and get her shape back. But frankly, if that's Baggy's only worry, then that's great.

Baggy finished her birthday by having a couple of glasses of wine with her meal; only the third or fourth time she's had a drink in six months. It went straight to her head. Sozzled Baggy, but it's lovely to feel so well so soon after the surgery..........

Day 11 (19/11/15) - Baggy's Wound is Uncovered and the ECG Removed. Boomedy, boom, silence, boom, boom.

Sleeping with the ECG attached was interesting. Baggy's brain is still stopping her from moving so that her stomach is protected, so as long as Clever Bird attached it on the side that Baggy wasn't sleeping on, all was good. However there are three sticky pads monitoring Baggy's heart, with sticky-out metal bits that the wires attach to. One was on her breast-bone above her boobs, the other two were on either side of her rib cage. So when Baggy lay on her side she was lying with the pad effectively sticking into her ribs. But that wasn't too bad until Bracket decided to lie on top of Baggy then it pressed in quite a lot. But Furry Mama couldn't bear to boot Bracket off. Actually Baggy slept well. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Freda Fretter was a little worried about taking Baggy to the Doctors to have the dressing taken off her wound. Boom, boom, boom. As Baggy sat in the waiting room Freda caused Baggy to have a hot flush. Boom, boom, boom. The appointment was on time for once. The ECG wires were moved to one side. The Nurse started to pull off the very sticky, very large dressing. Boom, boomedy, boom, boomedy, boom, boom. Ouch!

Clever Bird looked at the scar. Apparently it's healing well. But yuck. Freda Fretter shouldn't have looked as well. Of course, on leaving the Doctors with the wound uncovered for the first time, Baggy's trousers, (albeit very loose, elasticated, pre-weight loss ones) seemed to be really rubbing on the raw bits. But in spite of the seriously inclement weather, Calum suggested that we have a pootle around the little town of Hadleigh as he and Baggy were feeling rather house-bound. Two hours of pootling and a cappuccino later, Baggy started feeling very spaced-out and breathless. Boomy, boomedy, boom, boom, silence, silence. Boom, boom, boom. Time for a sit down. Another café. Another cappuccino. Boom, boom, boom, boom. More pootling. Creative Clara spotted a clothes shop. Baggy got treated to two gorgeous, loose-fitting winter dresses so that Baggy would feel good about herself and be comfortable because they don't rub on her wound. Besides, it's Baggy's 56th birthday tomorrow and she's worth it. Lawrence will be 56 tomorrow too. Creative Clara hopes that he's happy in his new life.

By the time this little shopping spree was over it wasn't really worth the one hour round trip to go home. So another couple of hours were spent mooching and having a cup of tea in yet another café with a friend Baggy bumped in to en route. Back to the Doctors, only to be told that there was no afternoon appointment booked for Baggy. Boomedy, boomedy, silence, boom, boom, boom. Fifteen minutes later an appointment appeared as if by magic. Boomedy, boom, boom. More stickers ripped off. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Then the Nurse told Baggy that the Doctor had requested that she have an instant ECG. More pads stuck back on. More wires attached. Boomedy, boom, boom, silence, boomedy, boom, boom, boom. ECG done. It wasn't normal. Quelle surprise! It showed a very irregular heartbeat. Boomedy, boom, silence, boom, boom. No surprise there then, eh Clever Bird? But the Nurse said that she needed to show the printout to the Doctor. Hmmmmm! Calum looked very worried. Baggy pretended not to be. Boomy, boomy, boomedy, boom, boom. Five minutes later the Nurse reappeared saying that the Doctor was happy with the ECG. Clever Bird decided that presumably it was no worse than when he'd felt Baggy's pulse a week ago. So, clearly abnormal, but hopefully not about to pack up.

Home to the furries and a log fire. And a letter from Ipswich hospital asking Baggy to attend a pre-op. assessment meeting in four days time for her cubital-tunnel surgery. on her right arm. This is a fairly minor operation that takes the ulna nerve out of the cubital tunnel on the elbow and moves it round to the front of the arm. but it's still a thirty to forty-five minute operation under general anaesthetic. An anaesthetic that the Anaesthetist might not want to give Baggy so soon after the last one, knowing that she has a dodgy ticker. But the best plan as Clever Bird has pointed out is to assume that Baggy will be having the op. and to go and discuss it (honestly) with the Consultant........