Anxious again.

The anti-depressants are definitely not having the total calming, spacing-out effect on Baggy that they were having at the beginning. That's probably a good thing over all, but it does mean that Hormonal Hannah has Baggy feeling somewhat anxious once more. Clever Bird knows that this is nothing to worry about as the doctor has told her that they can take up to six weeks before they are working fully. Of course that hasn't stopped Freda Fretter from worrying about it. But Clever Bird knows it's bad, when Baggy was getting in a nervous shaky flap about going to Fat Club this morning. It was particularly unnecessary as Baggy knew from her home scales that she'd had a good week. But the thing that she's really worried about is The Hinge cat.

Since Hinge came home on Tuesday evening she's barely eaten and she hasn't pooed since Wednesday evening. So Furry Mama can't helped worrying about her. She's also got a real "crackle" in her chest when she purrs, or even just randomly. Freda decided to phone the vet. After a conversation it was agreed she needed to be checked this afternoon. "Her" vet wasn't in today, so she had to cope with a new vet which she wasn't too pleased about. He was optimistic that she's fine and that the crackle is from having a tube down her throat for the general anaesthetic, so much to her and Furry Mama's delight she came home again. Trouble now is that they have to try to get three lots of medicines into her. Ah well at least Calum is home to help........

Guilty.

Baggy had another revelation at counselling today! Far from not caring what people think about her (which is what she genuinely believed she felt), having actually felt that she never truly had her Dad or Mama's approval, and certainly not her Step-Mother's, in reality she is constantly looking for approval. It explains why she finds it nigh on impossible to say "no" to anyone, or to stand up to people who are either unpleasant or who have let her down. It also explains why she constantly feels guilty about pretty much everything: guilty about not working; guilty about the horses being on livery; guilty about being relatively well off; guilty about inheriting the other house; guilty about criticising her parents; guilty about being happy. She's always been scared of being truly happy because every time that she is, something inevitably goes horribly wrong in her life. It's almost as if she believes that it's what she deserves. She was so happy last year before she found Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst, that discovering him was almost a relief because this time the disaster wasn't someone leaving her, which was the only option she could see, as she doesn't have a job to lose. It also had the added bonus that other people would look after her, rather than her having to look after herself (something she feels as if she's had to do since she was a small child)!

But the guilt is unhealthy, unhelpful and irrational. It's also misplaced. It's guilt that Baggy has carried for nearly fifty years, that she caused her parents to divorce and her Step-Mother to constantly walk out on Baggy's Dad because "it's her or me". It's guilt that she couldn't live up to their expectations of her. It's guilt that she wasn't the person they wanted her to be. So now that Clever Bird is beginning to truly understand where Baggy's depression has come from, and is moving on from those feelings of responsibility and guilt for their adult actions, Hormonal Hannah is chucking new irrational "guilts" at her to replace them. NOT necessary. So the next challenge for Clever Bird is to get Baggy to allow herself to be really happy; it's not as if she doesn't realise and appreciate how lucky she is. So she needs to believe that she is worthy of being happy and that if she is happy, that does not mean that something is going to go horribly wrong to take it away. Honestly bloggees even letting Creative Clara type that has put Hormonal Hannah into a panic - talk about tempting fate - but that's what Clever Bird has to stop her from thinking! She is not tempting fate by not feeling guilty and by feeling happy!

So, all of that wrung out of her very core, Clever Bird took Baggy for a cappuccino to get over the spaced-out feeling. Furry Mama took Baggy and Minty Mutt for a long walk to get the good endorphins buzzing. The Domestic Goddess carried on with the packing so that Baggy can get excited about her and all her furries starting their new life in their other house..........

 

There's an alien in the house.

Hormonal Hannah had Baggy up in the night as usual. On her 5.30am visit to the downstairs bathroom, The Hinge cat jumped on her lap as she sat on the loo (apologies for that image bloggees). Furry Mama had missed that! When Baggy went back up to bed, Bracket kat hadn't moved from her spot at the end of Baggy's bed. Unlike usual though, she didn't jump back on top of Baggy when she got back in and she wouldn't purr - still in a sulk with the alien-smelling cat that had returned the night before! Hannah had Baggy up once again at 7.30am and there was a poo! (No not Baggy's!) The Hinge had not only done a poo, but she'd done it in her litter tray. That's the first time she's not gone on a bath mat or rug in months. This is a particularly good thing, as the vet told Clever Bird that cats often do this when they associate the litter tray with pain. Baggy went back to bed with Furry Mama feeling delighted - although she was once again snubbed by Bracket.

As instructed she phoned the vets with an update at 8.30 and wasn't asked to take her back in. Clever Bird decided she had better check the labels on Hinge's medicines. She had assumed that she just had them once a day. Nope! The laxative is three times a day. Clever Bird really should have remembered that from when Baggy was on it after her Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst surgery. Hinge was happily munching breakfast. After hissing and growling at her, Bracket had left the building without touching hers - obviously her sister is now an alien! As instructed Furry Mama put the laxative in to Hinge's food and mixed it up - she instantly stopped eating it. Sigh. Furry Mama decided that she would have to take The Hinge by the horns as it were, and try to get it in her from the syringe! Yeah right - there's a reason why every bit of Hinge's fur was matted with sticky stuff, and that was by the professionals, two of them at that! Furry Mama was on her own - she sat Hinge on her lap, tummy up, and before Hinge could react she did a ninja manoeuvre and opened her mouth with her thumb while squirting the laxative down her throat. She probably had half of it, the rest went all over her fur and Baggy. Then she panicked and spun round, sticking her claws into Baggy's hand in the process - Baggy's blood was added to the sticky goop. Hinge started to retch and Freda Fretter felt terrible, but at least she wasn't actually sick.

Hormonal Hannah took over then, with Baggy feeling really down. She didn't want to go out and was worried about Bracket as well as Hinge. She mooched about. Furry Mama decided to groom Hinge. She loved it and ended up with fur almost free of goop. Poor Minty Mutt didn't get a walk though. Hannah has stopped Baggy taking Grotty Groom to the yard as well. She's been once in the last two weeks. Today though she had to take her, as Grotty had a lesson at 3.00pm. On the way she started to panic. Not the usual lesson nerves, proper stress panic. She called Calum. He calmed her down. Wesley calmed her down even more while she groomed him and tacked him up.

Of course all he wanted was to stock up on fuel - who can blame him really? He hasn't had to work since Grotty's last lesson two weeks ago.

Freda Fretter explained to her trainer Vicki-May, what a state Hormonal Hannah had Baggy in and that the black cloud was back in spite of the happy pills. Vicki-May actually said that she was relieved that Baggy seemed a little more "normal", as Grotty was so spaced-out during her last lesson, that she was worried that if Wesley had done one of his sharp spooks, she may not have been able to react in time! Today the Boy was a dream and went like a superstar. In spite of Baggy's panic, Grotty rode well and put a huge grin on Baggy's face, especially after a few minutes of dressage diva cantering. Yes, cantering bloggees - yee-hah.

Home again, Furry Mama wrapped Hinge in a towel and had attempt two at getting her meds in her. More goopy fur. More blood from Baggy. But shortly afterwards she did another poo - NO not Baggy! It's so good to be excited about a cat's poo..........

The poorly baby is home!

Very long day today for Baggy, mainly because Furry Mama has been so worried about her baby. Clever Bird spoke to Hinge's vet this morning and was told that she still hasn't pooed. And although they manually cleared her colon yesterday, there is still a big lump in there, so she MUST poo. They decided to monitor her all day and take her off her drip this evening, then decide what to do. They promised to call Furry Mama in the afternoon. So Furry Mama took Minty Mutt for a long walk to distract Freda Fretter. Then the Domestic Goddess took over. She decided to pack books into crates.

Now it occurs to Clever Bird somewhat belatedly, that it might in fact be possible to have too many books. There are currently about five crates of books in the shed, plus another six "removal company" boxes full under the bed. Today The Goddess decided to empty the two book cases in the sitting room. Six more crates are now full of books and Baggy's back has gone again. At 5.00pm the vet called again. The Hinge still hadn't pooed, but they hoped that she might do if she was more relaxed at home. The only problem being that she's on four types of medicine and Furry Mama wouldn't have a hope of administering them on her own! So they asked her to go over after 7.00pm, when they would have given her everything, and pick her up.

Baggy headed over to Bury at 6.15pm. She called Calum en route, only to realise that he was back at his work's yard and she was less than quarter of a mile away. Hormonal Hannah made her do a detour so that she could get a quick cuddle from him. The receptionist at the vets told Furry Mama what a gorgeous cat Hinge is. The nurse really didn't want to say "goodbye" to her. She has built up quite a fan base. Just as well that Furry Mama and Calum adore her, because as Clever Bird suspected, the bill was more than a sofa! Considerably more in fact. But none of the gang care because they all adore her. Hinge is currently exploring every bit of the now crate-cluttered sitting room, in between hopping on and off Furry Mama's knee. Happy cat. Happy Baggy.........

Monday afternoon news.

The vet called Furry Mama this afternoon. It's good news. The Hinge cat had her procedure and came round well from her anaesthetic. Freda Fretter let Baggy breathe properly for the first time all day. They also took another x-ray and although it's much better, her colon still isn't clear, so they've kept her in again tonight. Furry Mama is praying she'll be home tomorrow. Minty Mutt and Bracket kat are both wondering where she is. The house doesn't feel the same without her.

She's a big hit at the vets though! For a puddy tat who's scared of strangers, she's making friends with everyone. In fact when Furry Mama was on the floor cuddling her, she left her lap to go and say "hello" to the vet. Hinge head-butted her ankle, so she bent down to stroke her and Hinge assumed her position of preference; on her back, legs akimbo, waiting for (and getting) a tummy tickle. Clever Bird has realised that Baggy was sitting on the floor bent over, kissing the Hinge's head for much too long, her back is now killing her. But it was a small price to pay to spend time with the Hinge.........

Monday morning hospital visit.

Baggy had to be up early to take Hormonal Hannah back to the doctors for a review of her happy pills. Another two months worth have been prescribed, then Baggy must take Hannah back again. Hopefully Baggy will lose the, now only a dark-grey cloud, again soon, but the doctor didn't think that it was an issue. She then took Creative Clara to the Post Office to post her latest order off from her Etsy shop, Realuv. This one is a perfume bottle that's off to Finland. Baggy got a nasty shock when the woman told Clara that it was £6.95 to post, as she'd told the customer (and charged) £3.35. Clever Bird debated the charge as she was sure it was wrong. The woman said, "Have you seen how much it weighs?" "No". "587gms". What? No way. "It must be the packaging", said Baggy as she realised that was most of her profit gone. It's only now that she's home that she realises that the charge was wrong! Clara previously sent a heavier perfume bottle to America for less money! The package was really light! But Clever Bird remembers that Baggy kind of dropped the parcel on the scales, so maybe it registered wrong. Typical Baggy though, instantly puts herself down and says "Oh I must have made a mistake". Thanks for nothing Hormonal Hannah. Never mind it's off to a lovely new home.

 

Then Furry Mama decided to phone the vets to check on the Hinge cat. Sadly there was no change, which meant that she still can't come home. "Could I come and visit her?" asked Furry Mama. No problem. So Baggy drove over to Bury. Furry Mama was shown into the cat ward. Hinge saw her and immediately meowed. She had a drip attached to her paw, but immediately tried to jump out of her cage, so the nurse detached it. Baggy sat on the floor in her nice wool dress and sheepskin coat (yeah it is crazy bloggees - a week ago she was in a sun dress!), and Hinge sat on her lap. Clever Bird really wanted her to poo, while Freda Fretter worried about Baggy's lovely coat! The vet explained that they were going to take another x-ray, but as the laxatives were still not having any effect, they would need to take action. So Bless the poor poppet, she has to have a general anaesthetic, a finger up her bottom and a colonic irrigation thingy. But sadly, if her colon doesn't get cleared soon, it might not return to its correct size and apparently that is serious. Freda is desperately trying to stay positive, as Hinge is a healthy cat generally, so hopefully all will be well..........

"You can't take it with you".

Calum wanted to go over to the other house again today - Hormonal Hannah really, really didn't! Not because she didn't want to be there, but because she didn't fancy the ninety-minute drive there and again back, for the third day in a row. Of course, Clever Bird realises that that is 'nowt' to a lorry driver like Calum, who drives for nine or ten hours a day, but it's a lot to Baggy (even though it would be Calum doing the actual driving). Plus, Clever Bird really didn't want to drive over there without more stuff and The Domestic Goddess hasn't had a chance to pack any more yet. In the end, Baggy won the debate but had to compromise and agree to go window-shopping in Colchester instead. The intention being to look at possible things for the planned holiday let. The trouble is that the black-cloud is still over Baggy at the moment, so she really didn't want to leave the house, but Clever Bird persuaded her that perhaps she should for the sake of marital harmony. And of course they do need to get things planned and organised as there's so much to do, moving to one house and fully furnishing the other one.

Clever Bird also realised that Furry Mama wouldn't be able to go and get Hinge today, as the surgery had called to say that the poor cat still hasn't pooed! Freda is praying that the laxatives start to work soon as she doesn't want Hinge to have to have a general anaesthetic. Apparently she is "contented" though, so Baggy is trying to stay calm that she's still there.

The town was heaving, as was the out-of-town shopping centre. The car park was already full, but a space appeared for them. Baggy traipsed after Cal with ill grace. "Where do you want to go first?" asked Calum. "Well, "our" shop I suppose", responded a grumpy Hannah. She meant the one where they had bought their lovely sofa and chair earlier this year.

As is usual with Calum and Baggy every time Cal loved a sofa, Creative Clara hated it and visa versa. Then they spotted one that they both loved and it was sooooooooo comfy! Same make as the one they bought before. So there was a rapid change of plan - leave the sofa and chair they bought a few months ago for the holiday cottage and have a new sofa and chair delivered to the other house. Oh the joys of years of interest-free credit. And of course it's two less (big) things to move. But really Baggy should not be allowed out (especially with Hormonal Hannah and Calum egging her on). So much for window-shopping. But at least it's one huge step towards confirming their plans! Of course now Hannah is giving Baggy panic-attacks that she shouldn't have spent the money without Clever Bird having checked everything out first. Nope, she shouldn't be allowed out, but once again this week, it has been demonstrated that life really is too short, and as they say, "you can't take it with you", so instead of worrying, she's now just really excited about how nice the new cottage and the holiday cottage will look! Baggy is one lucky body. Chances are that Hinge's vet bill will be as much as the sofa.........