Grotty is in major yee-hah mode.

Fat Club was fun as always this morning. It was somewhat of a surprise to Freda Fretter that she had not put any weight on. In her new positive frame of mind, even Hormonal Hannah was delighted for Baggy, instead of beating her up for having comfort eaten all week. But it was Grotty Groom who had saved the day; burning off all those extra calories schooling Wessles. So this week Clever Bird will attempt to get Freda and Hannah to chill out enough, that they don't keep persuading Baggy to eat "bad" stuff. She's so close to reaching her target weight that it seems a shame to not keep focussed and achieve it! Mind you Baggy has another incentive too now as Grotty has persuaded her that she needs to enter a dressage competition! The only one it makes some sense to do is in August, a mere five or so weeks away! Heaven alone knows how skinny she was when she bought her competition togs, but let's just say that they are still rather snug. She now has "boobs" that she clearly didn't have ten years ago when she bought the jacket - she hasn't even dared to try on the breeches! They were also arms, legs and other bits to buy as they are rather nice, (the jacket for instance is a Barbour), and they have been worn precisely twice! The first time was a few years after she bought them, by which time they were already too small. Yep bloggees, despite her good intentions, Grotty has only ever competed twice, and the last time was about four years ago, so there's no way Clever Bird is letting Baggy buy Grotty new clothes.  Let's face it they may never get worn again.

Having said that, Baggy is sooooooooo determined to get the gang on track that she'd already decided to hack straight after Fat Club.  She went to the yard only to realise that she had two messages from her friend saying that she couldn't ride after all. A few days ago, this would have been the perfect excuse for Hormonal Hannah to take Grotty straight home without riding. Today Grotty wouldn't stand for it! She had a word with Baggy; Hannah left her to it. Baggy took Grotty and Wesley into the arena and schooled Wesley. Her new positivity worked on Grotty and Wesley, who were once again going beautifully. Yee-hah - go Wesley. And a little yee-hah for Baggy too............

Deep breathing is helping Baggy head off the black fug already.

Clever Bird is counting today as Day 1 of her "Road to Mental Health Recovery". Stating the obvious, anxiety and depression are quite debilitating and if left to run rampant, start to take over your life. This is exactly what was beginning to happen to Baggy. The stress that they were (are) causing her, was dominating most of what she did, resulting in her having so little self-confidence, that she had actually squashed most of the gang into submission. Grotty Groom couldn't persuade her to go and see the horses unless Calum was with her and even then she sometimes failed. Even Furry Mama was being talked out of walking Minty Mutt. Baggy didn't even want to go out to meet friends (although if she did, she was always fine once she got there). But it was becoming a downward spiral very quickly. Truthfully, Creative Clara played down how Baggy was feeling in this blog! Double or treble, what she actually said she was feeling and that might be getting closer to the reality. The fact that various friends and bloggees suggested that perhaps Baggy needed some help, based on her having played everything down, made Clever Bird realise that she really, really did need to get help. So thank you bloggees for your support. Although yesterday was seriously tough on Baggy, it has already helped her!

Admittedly, she did have a lie-in, but she was drained from yesterday. Once up, she took Minty for a nice walk, then had brunch in her woman cave.

While watching Minty Mutt chilling and admiring Gloria Gardener's little pot garden that is beginning to flower rather nicely.

As she sat there, enjoying the view and the sunshine, she did some deep breathing exercises and disconnected her shoulders from the base of her earlobes! Then she took Grotty to the yard for her second riding lesson of the week. Some things don't change though, Hormonal Hannah made Creative Clara forget her camera and then forgot to take photos on her phone. But that aside, the lesson was another roaring success. Wessles did argue rather a lot to start with. He tried various techniques to avoid having to do any real work, including pulling so hard on the reins that at one point both Grotty (who was riding) and her trainer (who was watching), thought that he was lame. She hopped on him to check; he wasn't lame as such, he was "bridle-lame" from leaning so much on the bit. She got him going correctly and Baggy hopped back on. Grotty soon remembered how to ride!!!! Wesley went beautifully; full dressage diva mode once again. It was wonderful and Baggy felt great (if absolutely melting from the heat and exhausted from the work) and the hour went in ten minutes (if you see what Clever Bird means). Baggy has been grinning ever since. Wessles was too tired to grin, Bless him.

When she got home, Baggy couldn't get through the front door as Minty Mutt threw himself at Furry Mama, then shot outside to bring her his ball. She went outside and played with him for a while, before sitting once more in her woman cave, where she was instantly joined by Hinge and Bracket purring their little heads off. Baggy enjoyed the moment and reminded herself, just how lucky she is, as she did a bit more deep breathing. The Domestic Goddess has just rustled up a delicious supper and Baggy is feeling really positive. Today is the first day that she hasn't been in tears at least once by this time, for the first time in weeks...........

Baggy is starting an entirely new "road to mental recovery" from today.

Today was the first day of Baggy's Stress Management course. She had to be in Stowmarket for 1.45pm. It's only about thirty minutes away. Freda Fretter was getting her in such a state that she decided to leave at noon. Silly! Yes bloggees it was, but Freda was convinced that Hormonal Hannah would be the most "normal" person there and wasting a space that someone more deserving could have had. She also (as always) worried that she would be late as she didn't really know where she was going. She worried that she wouldn't be able to get a seat near to the exit. She worried that she would stand out like a beacon in her hippy clothes. She worried. LOTS. Clever Bird mentioned quietly to Baggy that this was why the course had been recommended for her; Hannah snapped back at her. Baggy yacked on the phone to Calum for most of the journey, trying to stay calm. She got there an hour early and found the hotel, so headed off into town for a cappuccino - and a cheese scone with butter for comfort. By the time she'd found a café and eaten the scone, she panicked that she was now going to be late, as she had to be there in twenty-five minutes. She shot to the loo, left most of her coffee, virtually ran back up the High Street to her car, negotiated the road works, and was still twenty minutes early!

She shot to the loo - again. Then started shaking like a leaf. By the time she went into the lecture room "her" safe seat had already been taken. Well done Clever Bird for not putting your bag on it - stupid woman. The course started. Clever Bird listened and attempted to get Baggy to concentrate. That was difficult with Baggy in serious pain from her neck and back and jiggling about like some demented jumping bean. The lady explained about stress and its various causes and symptoms - anxiety, depression, panic, constant worry, pain, etc. Hmmmmm! Baggy jiggled more and tried to get comfy. She started to get a headache. Hormonal Hannah gave her a hot flush. Her heart started racing. Then in big bold letters on the screen it said, "Face Your Fears". The absolute worst thing to use is avoidance tactics. Clever Bird realised a number of things at once: she has been anxious and regularly depressed since she was a small child; she has used avoidance tactics to get herself through things since she was a small child; these issues have been getting progressively worse since she was a small child; since her Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst surgery and her step-mum dying, she has got very bad very quickly! The body's "flight" reactions when feeling "threatened" increase adrenalin which ups the physical symptoms that cause anxiety and reduces the endorphins, making the person feel more down. At this point Hannah was causing Baggy to panic as she recognised that she had virtually every single issue that they were describing, along with all the physical symptoms, of pretty much every manifestation of stress.

At this point a slide went up of a jockey being thrown from a horse. Clever Bird heard the lady say that "Like when you fall off a horse you must get straight back on, you should..........." Baggy heard no more. Hormonal Hannah had started Baggy crying and she couldn't stop. Fortunately she had washed her hair and it was still down, so she hid under it. Clever Bird recognised that that could not have been a worse image for Baggy if it had tried. One of Baggy's closest friends had pointed out to her a few weeks ago that Baggy had never dealt with Grotty Groom's serious fall from Wesley all those years ago, hence Baggy's "flight" mode kicking in instantly when Wesley's does. Anyway, for whatever reason, Baggy had a mini-meltdown and struggled to keep focussed. It was tough for Freda to make Baggy admit to herself that not only does she currently have some fairly obvious mental health issues that need dealing with, but that looking around the room at the rest of the people and how they appeared to be reacting (or rather not really reacting), she was looking like the most un-"normal" one in there. She couldn't get out of the room fast enough at the half-way break. Only two other people left their chairs to go for a fag. Baggy paced the car park on the phone in tears to Calum. She had to drag Hannah and Freda back in there as they wanted to do a runner, but Clever Bird pointed out that she was in the right place and this was the beginning of her next stage on her road to recovery...........

Grotty Groom found her inner dressage diva for the first time in a few years!

Today Baggy had booked Grotty Groom her first riding lesson in over two years, possibly even three! Yes bloggees, it was well overdue.  But as Grotty has just not been able to trot Wesley properly in the school since her surgery, Freda Fretter was getting worried. Worried that Wesley was in pain. He isn't, as confirmed by his physiotherapy yesterday. Worried that Grotty did not have the strength and was totally wonky and making him go badly. Worried that she will be wasting hundreds of pounds, if she can't even trot a straight line before heading to Ashen Equestrian Centre in three weeks time. So worried in fact that on the way to the yard, Hormonal Hannah had put Baggy into a bit of a panic! She convinced Grotty that it would all go horribly wrong. Ridiculous, considering just how beautifully Wessles has been behaving and how chilled out he is. Also her instructor is also a good friend, who although Baggy hasn't really seen her in all that time, knows Baggy and Wesley well.

So Baggy fought off Hannah's tears on the way to the yard and had a bit of faith in Grotty. Imagine, if you will, a top dressage horse and rider; all effortless movement with the rider looking as though they're not doing a lot. The horse, soft and relaxed with his nose in a vertical line and his bottom swinging powerfully as he glides across the arena. Now imagine Grotty on Wesley; all stiffness and drifting, with Grotty pulling faces as she is trying desperately to get Wesley to go in a straight line. Wesley's nose pointing at the sky and his back dipped with his bottom twisted sideways. Just visualise it as Grotty sitting on top of a fast, sideways moving banana and you'll be about right! So Clever Bird's plan was to get her trainer to get on him first. She had other plans! She wanted to see what the problem was first. Grotty hopped on and took a slightly spooky Wesley round the huge arena in walk. The wind had picked right up and haylage plastic was flapping threateningly from afar. But Baggy yacked away having a catch-up with her friend and explaining everything that has been going on. Talking equals breathing, which always helps, but actually Baggy was perfectly relaxed. Eventually, Grotty had to ask for trot. The moment she did, Wesley shot left in a diagonal line away from the track - nose skywards. The other rein wasn't quite so bad, but was still banana-shaped.

Grotty's trainer hopped on. Wesley immediately tried to do the same thing to her in walk! She used a little gentle persuasion to remind him what "proper" riding on-the-bit is. He fought back subtly, leaning his full weight on her right arm. She explained just how hard he was making it for her; Grotty understood, as he's been doing it to her for weeks, but the point was that she'd been letting him. Very quickly though, he realised that perhaps he'd better just get on with it, as "fighting" was even harder work, and suddenly he looked like Wesley the dressage diva. The trot which followed, was a soft relaxed glide. Grotty was delighted. Until her trainer said it was her turn, then blooming Hannah put all kinds of negative thoughts in her head. Clever Bird shooed Hannah off and Grotty hopped on. Within a few minutes Grotty and Wesley were in full dressage diva mode. Her trainer said that she should be videoing it as Grotty and Wesley both looked like divas! It was such a lovely feeling to feel "as one" with the Boy again - it's been a while and Freda Fretter had Grotty convinced that she could no longer ride well.

Baggy had the biggest grin on her face and agreed that she will enter a dressage competition later this summer! Hormonal Hannah laughed at her, but with her trainer's help, Grotty knows that she can do this. (Her next lesson is this Thursday and Creative Clara will try to remember to get some photos!) The point being that apart from the fact that Baggy always feels better when she's around horses, especially her own Boys, the moment that she is, (usually) every other thought/stress/worry/fear, instantly disappears and she lives in the moment. As a result Hannah tends to leave and Baggy's spirit is lifted. When she is driving to her stress management course tomorrow, Clever Bird will attempt to get Baggy to concentrate on that feeling. She actually reminded her that whenever Baggy needs to try to relax (just before her surgeries for instance), she always imagines herself with Wesley. Baggy has been Wesley's human for eleven years now and she cannot imagine him not being in her life........

Keeping Hormonal Hannah too busy to think seems to be working.

Well Baggy has had the gang in full swing today! Furry Mama took the Minty Mutt on his (okay, more truthfully it's probably her) favourite walk. Although he does love his stream, even though he can barely get in it now for the weeds.

He wondered whether the other side was better - spot the dog!

It wasn't!

At least it cooled him down a little and it gave The Domestic Goddess a nice job, clearing up the mud he dripped all through the house. Then Baggy took Grotty Groom to the yard for Wesley's physiotherapy treatment. The good news was that although he did still need treatment, he was much better than last time's treatment three months ago. This was a great relief to Freda Fretter who had been worrying about the Boy. Grotty groomed both horses, then headed back home, where Gloria Gardener made an appearance. In between The Domestic Goddess doing four loads of washing and hanging them out in the lovely (rare) sunshine, Gloria cut both back lawns, while negotiating Minty Mutt, who seemed determined to be mown in half! What is it with sheep dogs? They will insist on constantly lying in front of their human to make sure that they can't vanish off somewhere without them noticing. Very sweet, but soooooooooo annoying and dangerous, when Baggy is in charge of Gloria's self-powered lawnmower!!!!! She then watered the pots and the dog before The Goddess made her woman-cave even more cute and stored all Creative Clara's Realuv shop items in her new sideboard.

Hormonal Hannah (who amongst all her another annoying traits) is ridiculously clumsy, managed to break the spout of her Japanese teapot when her "Three Graces" statue fell on top of it as Baggy tried to carry the tray of goods to the summerhouse. Ah well, she's got rather attached to the set anyway, so now she can keep it! Along with all the china that she got in the auction on Saturday, that she is supposed to be selling on, but loves too much. Hopeless. Why de-clutter when you can re-clutter? But it makes Baggy happy, so that's all good. So the tea set (and the broken spout) are now on display in the new sideboard. The Clarice Cliff plate is on the dresser. In fact all of the "new" collection is on display, but as Clever Bird has paid less for the entire lot than one single item is worth - a "Cube" teapot - she's going to enjoy it. Happy Baggy.

The Goddess made a very healthy supper for Baggy. Just as she finished it Baggy's sister called - an hour later she got off the phone. Very happy Baggy, who's going to hold that thought each time Hormonal Hannah puts her into a panic over going to the first of her "Stress Management" sessions on Wednesday.........

Baggy has a "woman cave" to hideaway in.

Sorry for not blogging yesterday bloggees, Baggy was fine, she just ran out of day! She did oversleep, which didn't help, but Calum kindly walked Minty Mutt while The Domestic Goddess washed up from the night before. By the time Calum and Mint returned, Baggy was ready to take Grotty Groom to the yard, but first they had to go into town; so had a quick bacon butty while they were there. Baggy nearly fainted with happiness at the white "plastic" processed bread, that she's not had for months (wholemeal only allowed on her healthy eating regime). The plan had been to ride in the school, but they ended up going out for a hack. Wessles and Baggy got attacked by horse flies, Cal and Joey were fine - how is that reasonable? They did all have a few trots and a brief canter to escape the pesky bitey creatures and it was lovely to ride. Food shopping had to be done on the way home. By the time they got back, it was gone half four and they were starving - turkey roll consumed (while The Goddess put all the shopping away), once again in a white bread roll!

Then Calum got a text saying that "At least one commission bid (that they had put on the auction on Friday) had been successful". Items were to be collected before six, or on Monday. As Cal will be at work on Monday, that meant shooting straight back out again as it was already five o'clock. They were quite excited to find out what they had "won" and how much they'd paid. They bid on two lots: an oak Old-Charm sideboard and a collection of china. Clever Bird was sure that they wouldn't have got the sideboard, but they went over in the pick-up, just in case. Just as well, as they had got both lots! Baggy was sooooooooo excited, although Clever Bird had already realised that where they had intended putting the sideboard in the kitchen, was a non-starter as it was too big! By the time they were home again and the neighbour had helped unload it, the sideboard had pride of place in the summerhouse. Retail price: around £1,800!!!!!! Clever Bird and Calum's price £60! Bargain!

Then Baggy-blimp reappeared! The doubled over in agony Baggy who thankfully hasn't really made an appearance since her Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst surgery. Clever Bird suspects that the white bread might have been to blame. Whatever caused it, the pain was excruciating - how can "wind" hurt so much? Over an hour later, after lying down, curling up, rocking, stretching, pacing and nothing helping at all, Clever Bird made her take painkillers. They finally stopped the pain, but by then it was really late. So late supper and bed - no blog!

So today has been spent waxing the sideboard, having been to the local DIY superstore to buy wax and coming back with a ton of other stuff as well, including a jet washer. And unwrapping china. It's still a work-in-progress, but Baggy now has a "woman cave". It is slowly being developed into a (very tiny) office, for Creative Clara to use to store her stock, take photographs and work on her little Etsy shop, Realuv. Mind you, she loves the various pieces of china so much, that she's more likely to keep it, than sell it - and she hasn't even unpacked all of it yet! There's a Clarice Cliff plate in the unpacked box! Of course, now she has another cupboard to store things in, so why sell it?............

Fat Club is another way of fighting off Hormonal Hannah!

Baggy would highly recommend Fat Club (that is, Slimming World) to everybody who needs to lose a stone or more weight; not just because it works, without being a full-on "diet", no, because it's fun and is so supportive. Hormonal Hannah didn't fancy going out this morning, but Baggy really wanted to go and get weighed. Freda Fretter was on at her, because although The Domestic Goddess had been a star this week, rustling up meals like Fillet Steak with Béarnaise sauce and Boulangere potatoes; crusted cod with judias verdes and spiced chicken and courgette couscous! (Quite bloggees, the woman has had a personality transplant.) Hormonal Hannah spoilt it by tempting Baggy with Victoria Sponge cake, paninis and a scone amongst other stuff, BUT thanks in part to lots of Furry Mama activity, Baggy had still lost a pound! This is why Clever Bird loves Fat Club, because it is possible to do that and still lose weight! She was chuffed, but more importantly she felt more positive having spent an hour with her fellow Fat Club members, many of whom are now friends.

Baggy had left Calum at home, (coughing his little head off) and had been tempted to let Hormonal Hannah use that as an excuse for Baggy not to stay for the group meeting. But she needed the motivation from staying and Calum offered to get some fresh air and walk the Minty Mutt, so it was a double-incentive for her to stay! When she got home, Calum was still out with Minty. When they returned a little while later, Minty had blood pouring from his back paw. Furry Mama instantly panicked and thought that he'd torn a claw out. Baggy went off and got a cloth and a bowl of water and had a look - she couldn't see a thing. Baggy went off and got her glasses and had another look. The claw was still there, the blood appeared to be coming from next to it. Then Calum noticed a tick in between Mint's "toes"! Clever Bird thought that might be the blood. It wasn't - but it could have hurt Mint so much that he'd bitten his claw trying to get it off him! Furry Mama removed the tick - the eighth one she has had to remove in the last two weeks! It is a real worry, especially as there are ticks very near here that carry a disease that can kill a dog in a matter of days, if not removed! Plus one of the Fat Club ladies is suffering severely from Lymes Disease, also picked up from a tick round here. So if you live in Suffolk or Essex bloggees, be very tick-aware! Furry Mama now carries a tick-removal tool with her all the time! Horrible little critters - another one that Baggy makes an exception for and kills. Spotting them in Minty Mutt's fur is nigh on impossible, but now Furry Mama will have to check between his toes too!

But Baggy is feeling fairly up today after all that, so once Creative Clara has published this blog, The Goddess is going to rustle up a fried breakfast for lunch and then if it manages not to rain, Gloria Gardener is going to attack the lawn..........