Anxiety and depression.

Hormonal Hannah is really not a terribly likeable woman; in fact Clever Bird is struggling to find one nice thing to say about her. With "friends" or acquaintances, the advice for those who bring you down, or sap your energy, is to chop them out of your life - you don't need that kind of negative energy, so get rid of it. But it really isn't that simple to get rid of one of Baggy's gang members. Baggy is (at least for the moment), well and truly stuck with the old cow. But she's bringing the rest of the gang down hard and even though Clever Bird is well aware that the woman is irrational, she can't override her influence. Baggy can cope with the awful hot flushes and even more awful night sweats that Hannah has introduced through her menopause, they probably help her to lose weight! She's used to aching from head to toe and feeling tired too. But the overwhelming anxiety and total lack of confidence and feelings of worthlessness - no she's not coping very well with those. Furry Mama was walking Minty Mutt last week and Baggy was looking at the woods and thinking how lucky she was. She realised that she's the happiest that she's ever been in her life and how lucky she was to have met and married Calum; at which point Hannah proceeded to point out that, "It's sure to all go wrong" and put her into a meltdown. It's just an awful feeling. But actually Clever Bird realised that Baggy has always been like this, since she was a child, and she's pretty much always right - it always has then gone wrong but she's got through it; but now Hannah seems to have made those feelings even worse, to the point where Baggy is not sure that she would get through it again if something did go wrong once more.
 

To be truthful even letting Creative Clara type this is making Baggy panic: should she really be this open to the world? Hannah is telling her not to press the "publish" button. She has nothing to moan or worry about, in fact she has an extremely happy and privileged life, so who the hell does she think she is to be feeling this way? But that's the point isn't it bloggees? Baggy is finally beginning to realise that maybe she is ill at the moment, whether it's entirely down to Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst making Baggy lose her ovaries and plunging her into the menopause; or whether it's the stress of everything that's happened in the last few years, or a combination of both, the fact is that she is anxious and depressed. And as this blog is about her recovery process after her Lawrence surgery, this is the latest set back in her recovery. So she will try to over rule Hannah and press the publish button. If you are reading this bloggees, then Baggy has won one small battle over Hannah at least!

Today was typical of Hannah's influence on Baggy, she waved Calum off to work for the week at 6.30am, then couldn't face the day, so stayed in bed until Cal woke her with a phone call at 9.30am. He is kindly trying to sort out all the issues with Baggy's Dad's house, that have now been getting worse since she first started to sort them five or six weeks ago. The fact that it is once again raining torrentially, means that getting things sorted is even more urgent, as the water will be going straight through the roof! Calum is now facing all the same issues. Why does it have to be so hard to get professionals to do what they have said they'll do? Stage one just being to "call back"? Yes it's all pretty stressful, but Hormonal Hannah is making Baggy totally over react. At least her eyeballs will be very well lubricated. But FOUR different professionals are going to call Baggy back! The longest wait being for the Funeral Directors - four weeks since Calum last chased them! Then the Damp Proof Company - eight days so far. After Calum has spoken to the two others today, so far it's just been hours - if the last few weeks are anything to go by, that will soon become days. Sigh, scream, blub! And repeat. Ridiculous and playing right into Hannah's hands!

But even though Clever Bird knows that Baggy would feel better if Grotty Groom spent a bit of time with her horses, Hannah is stopping her from going over there. Mind you, the weather is so bad today that The Domestic Goddess is thinking of lighting the fire and so far, even though it's now 12-noon, Minty Mutt has refused to even go into the garden - maybe he's depressed too...........