Counselling might be seriously tough, but it's working for Baggy.

"Get over it". "Move on". "Don't live in the past". "Don't let bad things in your past affect your future". "Let it go". Yep, because it's that easy bloggees. Clever Bird is sure people mean well when they share these things on FaceBook or actually say similar things to Baggy, but seriously, do they think that Baggy (or anyone in a similar situation) wants to feel this bad? If it were that simple, trust Creative Clara when she says that Baggy would happily do all of the above, but she cannot, because she does not know how to. No one wants to wake up in such a dark place that they don't want to get out of bed. No one wants to be in a great mood one moment and in tears for no apparent reason the next. No one wants to feel worthless, or lost, or overwhelmed, or scared, anxious, or sick with worry over things that they have no control over, so obviously they'd "move on" if they could. Clever Bird even recognises the cause of her issues, but she had never actually truly sat down and confronted that cause face-to-face. Well, until she started to, today at counselling that is. Today, having spent the first thirty minutes, once again, talking about anything she could think of, rather than the fact that her Mama left her when she was eight years old, her counsellor finally took charge. She "made" Baggy confront that situation. Baggy couldn't actually speak. She tried, but she unravelled. Then she went from tearful, to slightly hysterical full-on sobbing. Then she got so spaced out that she couldn't actually think of anything to say. Which turned into what Creative Clara can only describe as an "out-of-body" experience. It got very weird. The poor counsellor (who is after all still a student), looked a little concerned as Baggy attempted to explain this feeling. But Baggy must have sounded nuts, as Psychic Ploppo tried to explain the number of times that Baggy has astral travelled in the past, without realising that that is what she was doing. The more she explained, the weirder the out-of-body experience became. But of course the session was over! Ploppo tried to get Baggy to stand to leave but her legs had gone totally to jelly. Clever Bird attempted to explain that this is what happens every time that Baggy tries to "remember" how she felt when her Mama left her and her sister. Her brain literally shuts down and she can't think - of anything at all. Clever Bird knows that this is some kind of safety mechanism that the brain uses, but she can't help wondering what exactly Baggy's brain is preventing her from reliving, and if it's that bad, maybe she shouldn't be trying to confront it. Ah well, she now has a week to try and regroup the gang before her next counselling session.

So, with the advice from the Stress Management course that "exercise helps with depression" at the forefront of her still spaced-out brain, Furry Mama made Baggy take Minty Mutt on a long walk.

A very long walk as it turned out. Minty Mutt got rather warm and insisted on a paddle at Ager Fen.

But Clever Bird had Baggy and Furry Mama prepared for once and Furry Mama had water for the mutt as well as a banana for Baggy, which they had en route while admiring the view.

 

When they got home, Clever Bird realised that they had been out for over an hour-and-a-half. The mutt was exhausted and very happy to be hosed down in his paddling pool. But Clever Bird decided that the "high" that Baggy was feeling from the exercise was already wearing off, so she persuaded Baggy to take Grotty to the yard to see the Boys. They were very pleased to see her - especially as she went to get them some hay. They'd just come off the horse-walker, so were warm and hungry. Once again Baggy relaxed totally as soon as she was with them. Even though it was silly warm and humid, Grotty decided to ride. She was encouraged by two friends, as Freda Fretter was trying to persuade her that it was too hot. But Clever Bird knows (as does her friend Sarah), that Grotty loses her nerve riding very easily and therefore not riding, would be a bad idea. She took an age to tack up (as usual), but once on she was pleased that she'd made the effort. Wesley was a poppet as usual. He went beautifully and Grotty even had a canter. She wasn't in there for terribly long - maybe twenty-five minutes at most - but Baggy had a big grin on her face by the time Grotty had finished. Horse-therapy is definitely the way forward for Baggy.............

 



Thank Heaven for horses.

Monday. Not Baggy's favourite day as she's on her own again, well apart from the four-legged furries that is. Furry Mama had a happy walk with Minty Mutt in the drizzle - autumn is on its way for sure. But unfortunately Baggy's back is hurting rather a lot. It "went" yesterday. Clever Bird suspects it's a combination of things: Grotty Groom doing the horses last Thursday, Baggy driving Billy-Bob Jalopy (with his forty-year-old lack of power assistance), and Minty Mutt hauling Furry Mama sideways yesterday. Whatever the reason, this morning's walk was more of a hobble. As for bending down to pick up a poo, well Baggy must have looked like a very old woman, not a middle-aged one. But at least she is getting old, so that's all good.

When they got home again, the pain began to get Baggy down a bit though, so The Domestic Goddess decided that it was the perfect reason not to do much other than the washing. But Clever Bird realised that Hormonal Hannah had appeared and was putting Baggy into a slump. Baggy was getting upset and teary for no apparent reason and just wanted to go back to bed. Clever Bird stepped in and suggested that Baggy take Grotty Groom to see the Boys. Hannah wasn't keen on this idea, but Clever Bird won. Grotty Groom spent a lovely couple of hours just being with her Boys. She groomed and cuddled them and just spent time being with them. Baggy felt so much better almost instantly.

Clever Bird doesn't really understand what it is about horses that is so special, but just being around them soothes a person's soul. Grotty is loving having the stable block to herself now, once again her horses can be her therapy and her sanity. Grotty had intended riding, but Baggy's back put pay to that plan, but it didn't matter, she had a really lovely time. Now she is back on an even keel once more. And in a better head-space for her counselling tomorrow. Pity she's just comfort-eaten a whole box of chocolates and now feels rather sick. But they were a present and they were looking at her, so...........

Very disappointing day.

Yesterday Grotty Groom, Calum and Minty Mutt spent a very pleasant afternoon and evening at Ashen Equestrian Centre, having a BBQ and a laugh. They didn't take the horses, although some people did and there was a little dressage competition with people making up their own tests. Two people did hilarious tests without a horse, just a hobby horse. Clever Bird decided that Grotty and Calum have a year to get their acts together; with the horses!

They went over in Billy-Bob so that they could stay the night, but in the end, as Baggy had not had a drink, she drove home - in the dark! Billy-Bob's lights are very good, but it was raining and the windscreen was a tad mucky on the inside, so Freda Fretter was worrying Baggy quite a lot, until Calum suggested that she focussed on the kerb ahead, rather than the road ahead. That worked, but by the time they got home Baggy needed a cup of tea. And, not one, but two of the cupcakes that had not been eaten, so they'd brought home with them. Ah well, she'll just have to walk them off later in the week.

Today was also to be a horsey day. There was a Suffolk Punch event on at Kentwell Hall which Calum really wanted to go to. Dogs are not allowed at Kentwell, as they know from previous visits, but as it was a horsey show, Clever Bird was convinced that they would be today, but otherwise they'd decided to leave the mutt at home with the television on. Calum phoned first thing to ask, "Yes, dogs are welcome, just not in the house". Okay, marvellous, Minty Mutt could come. They all headed off in Billy-Bob. As they parked they drove past five dogs and watched a lovely black setter getting out of the car opposite. They headed off to the show. As they left the car park, they past two large signs: "No dogs beyond this point". Hmmmmmm! "It must be the signs that are normally up", said Freda Fretter doubtfully as Minty Mutt showed his feelings by doing a massive poo right next to the sign. But as they were following three other dogs, Furry Mama picked up the poo and carried on. At the next gates into the show area there were more signs, "No dogs beyond this point". Very odd. But as Baggy could see at least a dozen dogs in the area, she thought no more about it. The Punches were magnificent.

They stood watching as Minty settled down and lay at their feet. An officious-looking man then walked round in front of them, "You must have walked past at least four signs telling you not to bring your dog in here". "Well, yes we did, but as we phoned to check this morning and were told that he's welcome, we assumed that they were the "normal" signs that they had left up". "Oh, urrrm, I see, well perhaps he can stay then". The chap went back to his Stewards' tent. "Now I'm p****d off", said Hormonal Hannah, as all kinds of people were muttering, "Well it clearly says no dogs". Baggy got cross. "I'm just going to go and say something at the Kentwell reception, I'll be back". Baggy explained the situation, "Well I don't know who would have said you could bring a dog. No dogs are allowed at Kentwell because of the rare animal life here". "We know that, which is why we called to check. But just so you know, there are dozens of dogs here today". "Oh dear. Well as long as you stay outside the main house-grounds it will be fine. There's a tea tent and trade village round to the right, if you go that way you can get a cup of tea". "Thank you". Baggy returned to watch the horses. Five minutes later, another officious person appeared, a woman this time. "I'm sorry but no dogs are allowed". Baggy found her inner Grrrr! and calmly explained, to try to stop Calum from losing his temper. "Well okay then", she walked off.

 

"Let's move from here. We could go and get a cup of tea", said Clever Bird, as Freda Fretter was getting in a state. Cup of tea acquired, they had a quick look around the stands. Calum bought Baggy a fold-away hat - genius! It works like a fan. Okay it looks a bit daft, but Baggy likes it. Another aid to slowing down her cataract growth.

 



Then Clever Bird noticed that the programme said there was a parade on, so they headed back to watch it. As they walked, the officious-woman appeared. "I'm really sorry but we're going to have to enforce the rule of 'no dogs'". Hormonal Hannah swore! "Obviously we'll reimburse your entry fee". Calum was really disappointed as he'd been looking forward to the day. "You stay, I'll take Minty home and come back for you later, but I'm not staying because I'm too annoyed". They got their money and left. Furry Mama put Minty in Billy-Bob (setting off all the alarms about five times, as Calum hadn't set it, so Baggy armed it, thinking she was switching it off), then went to find a mate of Cal's who had his horses there.

They were gorgeous. As was the mother and foal in the next lorry.

Clever Bird had no idea that the Suffolk Punch is more endangered than the Giant Panda! This show was to raise money to help with their preservation. Magnificent horses. But sadly the day had been spoilt, so with their refunded £20, they headed home - as did dozens of other disappointed dog owners. It makes you wonder how much money they lost.......

Baggy must try harder.

Fat Club - let's just say that Baggy got everything she deserved! You recall bloggees that Creative Clara told you that she had put on two pounds last weekend, and that she'd lost one of them again - WRONG! She had put on four or five pounds and lost one or two of them; so over all she was three up. Sigh! Clever Bird knew Baggy had been an idiot and deserved it, but still it made her feel a bit low. Her good Fat Club friend Jane however not only lost weight, she reached her target. Baggy was so pleased for her she had a tear in her eye - well actually, she was almost blubbing! It's lovely watching someone's face, when they realise they have got to their target. Now Clever Bird, hold that thought!

As Calum was home by the time Baggy got back, Furry Mama dragged him and Minty Mutt out for a walk - calorie burning required. Then she dragged Cal into town so that she could go and buy Slimming World sausages and burgers for the BBQ that they are going to at Ashen Equestrian Centre tomorrow; it's not actually bring-your-own-food, but needs must! But as Baggy wandered down the High Street, she felt more and more spaced out. Clever Bird realised that it was nearly 3.00pm and Baggy had eaten nothing. Hopeless. So she persuaded Cal that they should have a meal out. She was good and chose Sea Bass with vegetables, beans and a salad. It was very expensive and the tiny piece of sea bass was literally cremated. Hormonal Hannah was very put out. Bad enough that she'd eaten out, too many syns and too much money, but then it was rubbish. The Manager came over, "Is everything to your liking?". Baggy's stock answer, "Lovely thanks". Not today. Baggy the assertive found herself saying, "Actually no, the sea bass is totally overcooked, which would be bad enough, but for £14 it's really disappointing". Cue hot flush, yep Baggy is still having them, but nowhere near as often. But the Manager took one look at it and said she would get another one cooked and brought over. Inner Grrrrrr! working once again. The second piece was much better, but Baggy will not be returning there.

Food shopping done, they got home to realise that they had missed a parcel delivery - fortunately it was at a neighbour's. It was the memory foam toppers for Billy-Bob's bed. What's more Clever Bird got it right and they fit - yep bloggees she bought two, just to be sure that Baggy would not be in agony next time they sleep in Billy-Bob. They are so comfy and Baggy is so exhausted today, that she could have just stayed there and gone to sleep! It would seem that yesterday took its toll on Baggy more than expected. But Clever Bird did have another realisation on the way to Fat Club as she drove Billy-Bob along the twisty roads; it's not the riding and mucking-out that has her left calf and shoulders aching so much, it's driving the lovely Billy-Bob.........

Grotty Groom was fully back in action today - she does love a poo!

Grotty Groom managed to get Baggy's little bottom (well, more accurately her not-so-little-but-much-littler-than-it-used-to-be-before-Slimming-World-bottom), out of bed at 6.30am. She was at the yard in Billy-Bob Jalopy by 7.30am - yes bloggees, a small miracle! The Boys were turned out by 8.00am, much to Freda Fretter's relief, with no drama whatsoever. She failed at the first hurdle when Clever Bird realised that the wheelbarrow had a totally flat tyre and there were no yard barrows free. But fortunately mucking out wasn't too difficult, as she only had to "skip" out, not lift all the wet shavings out, so she used a couple of buckets to stick it in. It did get interesting when she tried to level off the shavings and even more interesting when she started sweeping. The sideways, twisty motion was difficult for Baggy and a little uncomfortable, but she managed. What's more Grotty actually enjoyed mucking out - she's missed picking up horse poo!

 

What's more, because she was up so early, she was home before she's normally up, so has had loads of time to get The Domestic Goddess busy. Admittedly, Furry Mama did a shorter walk with Minty Mutt than usual, but it takes forty minutes a day just walking the Boys to and from their paddocks, so Baggy's legs were feeling a little pathetic. But as it was so hot the Mutt didn't seem to mind too much, in fact he seemed quite happy to get home and throw himself in his pool.

Back to the yard to get the Boys back in. Poor Wessles was head-shaking really badly, but Joey was pawing the ground in a temper to get in, so Clever Bird decided to take him in first. He was grateful, but by the time Grotty got back to Wesley he'd got himself in a bit of a state! Although he was standing patiently waiting by his gate, he'd given himself really bad hiccups! Between the head-shaking and the hiccups, Baggy acquired a few extra bruises on her arm, where Wesley's bridle caught her (more than once). Poor sausage, he was very happy to be back in his stable with some hay. Sometimes Clever Bird wonders about her Boys! Grotty groomed them both before heading home once more.

Supper eaten, Baggy is now well aware that she was up early and has worked her little socks off (well, her big socks really, as she has size-8 plates for feet), even her toenails ache. Fat Club tomorrow - let's just hope that Baggy has done enough to wear off the two pounds she put on last weekend........

The gang are definitely regrouping.

Well that was another brilliant day! The gang are definitely regrouping and supporting Baggy, more than causing her grief. Furry Mama could barely keep up with Minty Mutt, he seemed to be on a real mission today - but it's all good for Baggy's fat burning. This is required after losing the plot food-wise over the weekend: sausage rolls, scones and jam, cake, baguettes, sausages, pork crackling, in fact bloggees, you name it, Baggy probably ate it. She put two pounds on anyway, so has three days to lose it again! So trying to keep up with the very enthusiastic Minty Mutt was a good thing.

Quick (healthy) lunch rustled up by The Domestic Goddess in between hanging out washing and vacuuming, before Clever Bird persuaded Freda Fretter that Baggy should drive Billy-Bob Jalopy to the yard. Now it's not that Baggy can't drive him, in fact he's really fun to drive, but without Calum being her ear-piece-guide every now and again, Freda was worried that Baggy might panic on her own. Left-hand drive on scary single track roads, fine unless you need to reverse, or even to brake suddenly; Billy-Bob might be fun to drive, but he's certainly not easy. But Baggy decided to take Grotty Groom to the yard in B.B. She enjoyed the drive! Everyone wanted to admire him too, which was fun.

It's also fairly handy having a little sitting room to relax in at the yard. Even though, once again Grotty had not actually ridden Wesley for nine days, the Boy was a poppet. It was really hot and humid, but he tried so hard. Vicky-May videoed Grotty and Wessles towards the very end of the lesson, when both of them were getting rather tired, so he was leaning on Grotty occasionally, and certainly they went better earlier on, but still, Clever Bird was proud of them.

 

 

 

When Grotty hopped off she realised how hard she had actually worked Baggy, as her legs went rather jelly-like! She'll ache tomorrow. Perhaps Clever Bird should have thought through having a lesson the day before Grotty looks after the horses for the first time in a year, but then this is Clever Bird we're talking about. She decided that a cup of tea was in order and a new pair of gloves for mucking out tomorrow. She sat in her Billy-Bob sitting room mulling over a plan of action for tomorrow.

 

 

The gloves remained clean for under five minutes, as Grotty decided to take out the poos that the Boys had already done since coming in - see, a contemplate and a cup of tea, result in forward planning. It does remain to be seen whether Baggy will be able to get up at 6.30am though........



Tuesdays are a bit of a struggle for Baggy at the moment.

After a really lovely long weekend with Calum and Minty Mutt in Billy-Bob, Baggy was on a high this morning, even though it's effectively Monday and Calum has gone off to work. Even so, it's not Monday, it is Tuesday, which means that it's Hormonal Hannah's counselling day. Baggy was not in the mood for dragging up ghastly stuff and bringing herself down from the good feeling, but needs must. It was even harder, because actually she hasn't been to counselling for two weeks and all the positive changes in that two weeks, means that Hannah is having much less influence on Baggy. Having said that of course, Clever Bird is very aware that the reason for all the positive changes is because the counselling has helped enormously! It allowed her to confront and resolve the situation at the yard. It has got her on HRT (which has already significantly reduced Hannah's hot-flushes). It has given her the courage to buy Billy-Bob. It's got her writing her novel again. It's even got her planning a new business venture. So of course, Baggy has to keep going and exposing her soul. It is hard and exhausting, but definitely worth it.

As Baggy checked her diary to confirm the next sessions, Grotty Groom realised that Wesley and Joey were due to have their jabs today and she needed to be at the yard. Hormonal Hannah made Baggy drive Grotty to the yard before going home, to speak to the groom to make sure the Boys were brought in for 12.30. As she got halfway there, Clever Bird wondered why she hadn't just phoned. Drrrrrr! There was no sign of the groom, who was on her own for the day and really busy! But Bless her, she'd phoned the vets to check what time they'd be coming and had written it on the board. Grotty was impressed. Baggy shot home, got Furry Mama to play with Minty for a while, before changing into something more suitable than mad floaty trousers and flip-flops for handling the horses!

Grotty brought Wesley in while the groom brought Joey in. Jabs done, both horses groomed, Grotty went home again. But not before deciding that Grotty can look after the horses herself on Thursday, for the first time in a year!!! Only for the day mind - Freda Fretter is still worried about whether she'll cope, but still, it's another positive start! The Domestic Goddess swung into action reorganising everything in Billy-Bob and adding a few bits. She'll get it figured. She needs to, they'll be staying in him again next weekend! Wonder if she can get a memory-foam mattress in time........