Why? Well Baggy spent yesterday afternoon on her own as her number one furry had gone off on his motorbike and Hairy Biker Hen is not ready for autumn outings. Before he left, they went food shopping and Calum had snook twelve mince pies in without Baggy noticing - until that is she unpacked and put everything away. By the time he got home there were nine mince pies left - thanks to Hormonal Hannah! While Creative Clara sat in Billy Bob campervan airing him out last night, Calum cooked a steak supper. It was delicious. BUT, he cooked deep fried chips (not Slimming World healthy ones), used olive oil, not low-cal spray and Hannah nicked a few of his deep-fired onion rings. Yum, yum, yummy, yum, yum. However, (how can Clara put this delicately?), well she can't, so, as soon as she had finished the lovely meal and Furry Mama had given Minty Mutt a decent portion of her steak, she had to whizz into the loo. This has been happening for a couple of weeks or more! Loo trip over, she disappeared back into Billy Bob for a while. When she came back into the house for a second loo trip, her number one furry had a birthday surprise for her.
A Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst lookalike cake! No it wasn't Baggy's birthday yet, but it was a big cake to eat and if Baggy had been left with it for the week - well, that wouldn't have panned out well for her Miss Slinky 2016 award now would it?
Furry Mama couldn't bear to cut him as he was too cute, so she made Calum do it.
See what Creative Clara means? Just vicious! But they both got a shock when he was cut. Lawrence had a surprise centre!
It turned out that they were mini-Smarties. It said on the box that the cake served twenty. Yep, that gap was two Calum slices! As it was her birthday cake, Baggy got the piece with the horn on. The cake was sooooooooooooo sweet. But very delicious. Baggy even licked her knife - yes, very uncouth, but Clever Bird wouldn't let her waste any of the bright orange icing.
Now Hormonal Hannah can't really remember much about what happened next, but fairly soon after eating Lawrence, Baggy's stomach started to hurt. very quickly it got quite painful. Within half-an-hour or so she didn't know what to do with herself as she was literally writhing in pain. She lay down, she stood up, she walked about like a horse with colic. After an hour, she was curled up in a ball on the floor and Calum wanted to take her to A&E, but Clever Bird was sure it was just terrible wind - it reminded her of the pain she had after her Lawrence surgery and her "let it go" phase, but there was no letting go happening. It got even worse. By now Baggy was scared and knew she couldn't sit in the car. Calum phoned 111. They insisted on talking to Baggy. They sent an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived Baggy was doubled up on the floor. Temperature two degrees less than it should be. Blood pressure 178/110. "That can't be right".
"Oh I don't know, my BP shoots up when I'm scared".
"I'll take it again. Your temperature is very low".
"I feel really cold".
"180/110".
"I do have white coat syndrome".
"Lots of people do".
"195/135".
"That's not good."
"No. But you look as though you're not in as much pain now".
"Actually, no I'm not. Sorry, I feel a fraud".
"Well don't, clearly something is not right and with your medical history we need to be sure, so we want to take you to A&E".
Baggy, in her jim jams and a dressing gown, hobbled out to the ambulance. By the time she lay on the trolley, she had no pain at all, but maybe the painkillers she'd taken an hour earlier were working. Her blood pressure had dropped. Her heart rate was fine. Freda Fretter started to feel a right idiot. At hospital there was a queue of ambulances! Baggy's blood pressure was 120/78. It was two minutes after midnight! Calum was waiting for her. A nurse said, "Happy Birthday, shall we sing to you?" But the pain was coming back.
She was taken to a bay. By 1.30am she had had bloods taken etc. Calum appeared with her Bear, Betty and Toots (her regular companions) and a bag packed with everything she would need for a hospital stay (Bless her number one furry). Baggy felt a little better. Eventually after an ultrasound and a proddle, a doctor declared that she probably had an infection, gave her tablets and sent her home. They got back at 2.30am. Baggy was okay and went to bed.
At 5.00am she woke up in agony. Same as before. Freda panicked and woke Calum up. "Sorry bubba, I don't know what to suggest. Maybe try drinking some hot water". Baggy crawled downstairs, the sound of snoring following her. The water didn't help. Nothing helped. Clever Bird knew that (as instructed by the paramedics and doctor) she should call 999, but she didn't want to make a fuss. She stuffed paracetamol and ibuprofen down Baggy's neck, then remembered when she'd got some terrible mystery bug in one of the plague village youth hostels as a teenager - the only thing that helped the agony was standing under a hot shower. She sat in the shower for twenty minutes. It helped, until she came out, then it was even worse. In tears, with Minty Mutt lying guard outside the shower, she stayed under the water until it went cold. Then she wrapped herself in a towel and resumed her "ball" position on the sitting room rug and whimpered for an hour or more, in too much pain to get back upstairs. Mint, Hinge and Bracket all came and lay with her. Eventually at 7.30am the pain eased a little and she went back up to bed. When Calum woke her up at 9.30, he asked, "Did you wake me in the early hours?" Sigh. Baggy explained. The pain was back, but not as badly. More painkillers taken. Tablet from the doctor taken. Baggy went back to sleep and woke at noon, only in mild discomfort.
Today, the more Clever Bird thinks about it, the more she reckons it was the Lawrence cake that finished her off - too much fat and sugar in one day, after eating so healthily for over a year. The "bits" in the middle of the cake, reminded her that all 15cms of hairy Lawrence had to be removed in one piece, or he would have poisoned Baggy - hmmmmm! That's one way of keeping Baggy on a healthy plan, she won't risk anymore cake anyway. But then Calum pointed out that Baggy had had a dodgy stomach ever since The Domestic Goddess poisoned Baggy and Minty Mutt with re-heated stew a few weeks ago and maybe she still had an infection from that. Ah well, today she is home and in discomfort only and Calum just made her a lovely prawn and egg salad for her lunch. So far she is not doubled over. Happy Birthday Baggy............
No comments:
Post a Comment