Baggy is all floaty and in a good place - after having a total revelation!

It will come as zero surprise to you bloggees who have been through it, that Baggy is finding counselling tough. Not just mentally either - it is physically exhausting. Baggy was shaking like an autumn leaf in a storm at one point this morning. A very little leaf in a gale; trying to hang onto the branch for all she was worth; terrified of what would happen if she let go, but knowing that she had to if she wanted to be able to live a life, free of the burden that's been affecting her life and decisions, since she was a small child. Suddenly she had no choice, the power making her let go was overwhelming. And guess what happened bloggees, she didn't disappear, or visit a space so dark there was no coming back from it; no, she lived to tell the tale. Nothing too terrible happened, it was very draining, but she just kind of floated off. Yes it was scary. Yes it made her feel sick. Yes she felt completely spaced out. But then she landed back on terra firma and she wondered why she'd been so terrified to let go in the first place!

Admittedly, as Baggy left the doctors' surgery, she still felt rather spaced out and "floaty", but that was in part due to the fact that she felt as though an enormous weight, a weight that she's been carrying for nearly fifty years, had finally moved a fraction from off her shoulders. Creative Clara repeats herself, but tough as it is, counselling is certainly working for Baggy. Clever Bird just wonders why she didn't do it years ago. Actually, that's a lie - Clever Bird (as of this morning's session), knows exactly why she didn't do it years ago! It is all tied together with her issues. Issues that she is finally truly facing and getting her head around! She had absolutely no true idea of just how much she has been "beating herself up" for the last fifty years. This morning was a revelation in more ways than one.

Of course, as only Baggy can, she seemed to freak the counsellor out a little once again. Mainly because Psychic Ploppo was not only hearing voices (particularly her Mama's), but she was answering them out loud. Is there such a thing as slightly schizophrenic? Or a schizophrenic with only friendly helpful voices? Are all medium's schizophrenic? Baggy kept apologising for Ploppo's marginally bizarre behaviour, while being totally unable to stop her from carrying it on. But this evening, Baggy feels better than she's felt in a very long time.

This feeling is also partially due to Grotty Groom looking after her Boys today. She had them turned out this morning, then pootled over at lunchtime (on the hottest day of the year - clever Clever Bird, only 31deg.C), to do every thing else. Grotty did at least take it easy on Baggy, she worked in slow motion and didn't push her to rush the work. It is after all only the second time Grotty has worked in a year! She was just about to go and get them in, when she realised there was a loose horse causing total chaos, galloping around the paddocks (Wesley's erstwhile, favourite trick), so she was a little concerned how they would react. Fortunately, Baggy's friend Sarah, was just arriving and offered to come out with her. She brought Joey in, while Grotty brought The Boy Wessles in and both horses were so relaxed that you'd never know that all the horses had been hurtling round their paddocks - well possibly, all the horses apart from Wesley and Joey!

This evening even The Domestic Goddess cheered Baggy up! Rump steak, baked potato and salad consumed, Baggy is now chain-drinking tea.........