Some conversations just shouldn't take place.

Conversation: "When did I start to look so old?" asked Hormonal Hannah of Baggy's husband. "When you let yourself go grey". "Oh!" Ouch. "But I thought you liked my hair grey". "I do, but it makes you look old". "Oh!!" Ouch. "Well, we are old aren't we? Mind you, you're quite a lot older than me", said Calum. Ouch, ouch, ouch. "Oh". "I thought perhaps it was because I've lost over three stone and my skin has gone old-lady baggy and wrinkly", said Freda Fretter in a little voice. "Well, that doesn't help either". "Oh!!!!!!!" Big ouch. "Well, you could always do some arm exercises; there are weights in my car". Hmmmmm! Creative Clara is too embarrassed to mention what he suggested for the baggy chins. Note from Clever Bird to the rest of the gang, if you don't want to know the answer, do not ask Baggy's husband the question!

Conversation: Hairy Biker Hen phoned the garage to book her motorbike in for his first MOT. "I can't believe he's already three years old, he only has about three hundred-odd miles on the clock." "Well of course that's an instant fail now". "WHAT? Nooooooo!" "Yes, sorry, but it's deemed to be cruelty to motorbikes". "Oh!" Ouch.

Conversation: Sitting at Ipswich hospital with Baggy's husband after he'd just had his second visit of the week. An ultrasound on Wednesday a Flexible Cystoscopy today. A kidney x-ray to be arranged. "You won't have any holiday left at this rate. Will you have to work over Christmas again?" "Probably". "Oh". Feeling sad. "When is Christmas this year anyway?" asked Clever Bird. "December the 25th". Sigh.

Conversation: While watching the end of the film "The Golden Compass". "I do like the name Serefina" said Calum. "Yes, it's a lovely name", agreed Creative Clara. "Well, if by any quirk of fate we end up with a daughter, it would be a good name". "That would be one ****ing dramatic quirk", spluttered Baggy.........