The ghastly black cloud is back.

Clever Bird realised this morning that the anti-depressants are not the panacea that Hormonal Hannah had hoped they were for Baggy. For the first day in a couple of weeks, she woke up this morning with "that" feeling. So she went back to sleep and only emerged at 11.00am because Bracket kat landed on her from a great height, having decided Furry Mama needed to feed her. Baggy took her little pill, but the feeling of dread wouldn't go away. It probably wasn't helped by Baggy getting a text last night from the builder! Freda Fretter was right to worry - he won't be doing the roof at the other house, as he has an operation at the end of November. Clever Bird suspects that he has known this for some time, and/or just didn't want the job, she just wishes he'd said so a little earlier. When Baggy discussed it with Calum this morning, she got really upset. Irrationally so. They can still move in to the other house though. Yes it's very damp and the roof leaks, but it's not unliveable in. In fact it might even work out for the best, moving in first and seeing how much needs doing. But even deciding all that, Baggy feels really low today - a massive weight is back on her shoulders. Calum pointed out that this is because she feels "let down" again - the theme of her life. And for the first time pretty much ever, she'd really started to plan ahead, only for the plans to be immediately scuppered.

Regular bloggees may have seen this coming before Baggy did! You have probably noticed that Grotty Groom has not seen the Boys since her lesson last Wednesday and that Furry Mama is not taking Minty Mutt out every day. Plus Baggy is in a lot of pain - all warning signs (had Clever Bird been paying any attention), that the black cloud was gathering around Baggy again. So, Furry Mama dragged Baggy out to take Minty Mutt for a walk.

In spite of the lovely day (albeit blowing a mini-gale), Hormonal Hannah had Baggy in tears as she wandered through the apple orchards. (It's going to be a good season).

Clever Bird decided that maybe Baggy should try to follow her counselling advice and let her really "feel" the sadness that was overwhelming her. She couldn't do it. For whatever reason, the moment she tried to give in to the feeling, the exact opposite happened and she stopped crying. But the black cloud got blacker. Ever since she has been feeling panicky and sad - the "normal" feeling has left. Clever Bird was hopeful that it's a blip and decided to make Baggy take Grotty Groom over to see the Boys this afternoon. She also made her go there in Billy Bob Jalopy, as he hasn't been driven for over two weeks. He started instantly and Baggy enjoyed driving him, but got more panicky the closer she got to the yard. Why? No idea.

The Boys were still out when Grotty arrived, so Baggy decided to make her a cup of tea while she waited for them to come in. Baggy got upset (again). She called Calum and ended up getting slightly hysterical on the phone. Freda Fretter was getting scared that Baggy's feeling so low again. Clever Bird really didn't think that she could, while on the happy pills. Wrong. An hour of grooming the Boys helped Grotty to calm Baggy down a little, but did her back no favours at all! But particularly Joey appreciated it, as he had so much hair coming out.

Wesley just enjoyed a good scratch.

Driving home was interesting. The low autumn sun was straight in Baggy's eyes and it wasn't too easy to see a lot of the time - scary. Fun as Billy Bob is to drive, he didn't do Baggy's back any favours either, but she loves him lots.

For once, Baggy is actually rather looking forward to Hannah's counselling tomorrow, she is in need of some reassurance that she isn't losing the plot again. Depression is such a nasty beast. It arrives from nowhere without announcing itself and just takes control. Baggy has spent her whole life fighting this feeling and winning, but this time round it seems to have taken a bit of a strangle-hold. But Baggy is not going to let it win....